This afternoon we took the children to Crimson Lake to cool off and swim. They were so happy to be there that they happily dug in the sand and swam to their hearts content. I was able to just sit and enjoy the view with Mr. Stannix, until Sawyer started eating sand. He has figured out that if he's on a blanket, all he has to do is pull the blanket back to get to whatever he wants underneath. I took him to the edge of the lake and he sat and splashed until it was time to leave. There is something about the lake that helps soothe my anxieties. The adversary has been planting thoughts of "You're not good enough" and "You're not teaching them enough" and "So and so must think you're kind of weird" and "You're a lousy housekeeper". These thoughts swirl around in my head all day, breaking me down and making me feel like I'm never enough. On tough days it escalates making tears fall into my sink full of dishes at days end. Sometimes they sneak out during family prayers or while singing lullabies to the children at bedtime. After a rough day today, the older boys wouldn't stop fooling around at bedtime. It got so bad that one of them ended up coming upstairs with gum in their hair. Staying patient wasn't an easy feat, but we eventually got it out, and they eventually did fall asleep!
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