Our days typically start before 6:00am. Some mornings lately I've found myself awake before any of the children, wishing I could get back to sleep as thoughts of this pregnancy, doubts about my capacity, and worries about my mothering creep into my head. Oliver is usually the first to wake and lies on the floor in front of his door kicking it with his heel every few minutes and shouting, "Mom!" until I open it. After I've made him some breakfast, the others saunter sleepily into the kitchen rubbing tired eyes. At least once a week I put a pot on the stove and fill it with sugar and water to boil for syrup. Some mornings I pull it off the burner when it's done, add a splash of vanilla, and then sneak back under my covers for a few extra minutes while the littles happily play downstairs. Pancakes are a favorite around here and a few of the older kids know how to get half of the ingredients ready in a big bowl so that all I have to do is add the milk and eggs. Some mornings I have to put up with a certain boy wishing aloud that he had a different mother. I try to remind myself that it's his stomach talking and all will be well shortly after breakfast.
I always try to get a little baking done in the mornings or early afternoons. With our microwave being busted I've resorted to the old fashioned way of melting my butter in a pot on the stove. One day as I was trying to break up lumps of brown sugar in the cookie dough I realized that the lumps were actually chocolate chips and muttered aloud, "Addie...you're crazy." Then I thought to myself that I must be crazy because I was actually talking to myself out loud. This is a good example of how tired I've been lately I guess.
The little boys keep me on my toes with their shenanigans. Some days it's really hard to be the patient mom I always thought I'd be. A few weeks ago the two little boys decided to bring a whole rubber boot filled with pea gravel home from the park. When I asked them to take it back they went around the corner and dumped it on the driveway. I might have used the word "unacceptable" that earned me a nasty glance from a neighbor a few doors down who was out working in his yard. We got the little broom and dust pan and swept them all back into the boot and then I made them take it back to the park to dump it. Those little rocks are the bane of my existence and I often find handfuls of them in my entry way after a full day of the kids coming in and out from the park. These tiny rocks hide in their shoes, up their pant legs, and in their pockets, and somehow make their way to my house. They also love when Daddy gets home and plays with them! One day while they were in the middle of a light saber war, Joe and Daddy were talking about something and Joe said, "Except, Jedi's don't have whiskers." I wish I could remember the background to the story, but that line made me laugh so much!
My toddler is growing up way too fast and loves to explore and try new things. He seems to think that markers are great lipstick and always sports a color or two to the grocery store. Climbing up to the tall seats at the island is one of his new favorite things, though it makes me nervous. And if he could spend all day outside, he would! One night while I made dinner I heard the two youngest boys laughing super hard in the corner. I went over to find them putting pieces of paper down the vent and laughing hysterically when the AC blew them back up. Those little belly laughs are so contagious and you just help but laugh right along. Despite his crazy side, he is the cutest kid ever and I often can't get enough of his wispy toddler hair and cheesy grins. I joke that he's the reason we're having another one, but there's definitely some truth to it! He melts my heart when he wraps his arms around my neck, runs his fingers through my hair at bed time, or gives me a big wet smooch on the lips.
With the kids getting a little bit older and each of them being in just one activity I find myself feeling like a taxi driver quite often already. One day I had so many errands to run and activities to get to that by the end of the day I had buckled and unbuckled the children at least ten times! It was insanity. As I drove Camilla to gymnastics late afternoon I found myself raising my voice at the boys in the backseat as they pummeled each other. It wasn't until I stopped at a red light and noticed the guy next to me laughing that I realized the sunroof was open. I pulled away red faced, and flashed my angry eyes at the boys in the backseat as they continued to elbow and poke each other relentlessly.
Living in a house full of boys also means that I've sat on my fair share of wet toilet seats. I am constantly reminding them to put up (or down) the toilet seat it seems. As I've spent the last month or so wiping up sprinkles of pee, or puddles around the toilet, or witnessing a sleepy boy pee in and all around the garbage can in the bathroom right next to the toilet (on more than one occasion), I've been exhausted. On the plus side, my bathroom gets cleaned a lot more than a typical bathroom might be.
After dinner they often run to the park for a little while to play. With the warm weather and sunshine I let them stay out a little later than usual to play with their friends. Baths are almost a necessity every night to wash black feet and sticky faces. Then we read scriptures and tuck in for the night. I start with Ollie who requests his "bus book" from London. We read, tickle, hug and kiss and then I close his door. Next, I move on to Finley who picks out practically the same book every night. When we've read it too many times I hide it and introduce a new one that gets read for a few weeks straight until he has it memorized. Then I move onto the boys downstairs who have been super tough to get to bed these days. One night as I tucked in Joe he said, "Mommy! You grew new freckles on your cheeks!" Thanks to Daddy, he believes that you get a new freckle each time that you laugh. I took it as a compliment and kissed his forehead. Hyrum likes to tell me about his day and then as soon as I leave the two of them fool around for hours on end until they finally fall asleep or I move one of them upstairs. While I'm busy doing all of that, Camilla hangs out on her bed writing in her journal or reading a book until I finally make it to her. We chat and giggle as Reese runs crazily in and out of her room with her squeaky toy. When Daddy is home he helps read stories to Fin and wrestle the big boys into bed. They extra love Daddy tickles before bed and often go down much easier when he's here. And while the bedtime routine sometimes stretches over hours of time, it is (usually) one of my favorite times of the day. I love sharing tender moments with the children, hearing about their day, smoothing out their worries, and kissing their faces. It won't be long before they are older and maybe won't want to be tucked in every night. So I'll cherish it while I can.
When the bedtime routine is complete I walk out to the living room and examine the damage from the day. Chip crumbs line my couch, a giant pile of laundry is on the other couch waiting to be folded, toys are scattered all over the place, and I often don't know where to begin. So I start with one thing and move to the next, or I wipe the crumbs off the couch and pick up my crochet project and leave the mess for another day. There is typically only one area of my house that looks completely clean at one time, and I'm learning to be okay with that.
This mothering gig is tough and some days it's easy to get caught up in comparison or feeling "woe is me". There are for sure nights when I cry myself to sleep after getting out of bed five times before midnight to soothe a child with a cough and split lip, wondering all the while if I have what it takes to do this. We all have hard days, or weeks. But sometimes there's those moments where things just click into place, and everyone gets along for a little while, chore charts get done, hands are willing to help and it all somehow seems worth it. While I like to remember the tough stuff, the terrible two's, and the chaotic, I also treasure the joy. It's there if you look closely, even though the days are long.
"The joy in motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times, but amid the challenges there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction." -M. Russell Ballard
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