This weekend we were blessed with some much needed rain. I cracked open all of our windows and let the fresh, crisp air fill our home. As we slept we listened to the rain while our curtains danced in the wind. I was out of bed every hour from 3:00am onward soothing a teething babe and arguing over food with my three year old. At 5:00am I gave up and the three of us had an early breakfast at the kitchen table. The hardwood floor was cold on my bare feet as I tip-toed around the kitchen making food. While they quietly ate I wiped up the floor. Yesterday we discovered our dishwasher has been dripping water for the last week even though it hasn't been running. It's now sitting in the middle of my kitchen with a cookie sheet underneath it to catch the drip. It had overflowed over night and this morning I was greeted with another nice puddle. Since I had nothing better to do I started a sink full of dishes. It didn't take long before the older two joined us for breakfast. They were quick to do their morning routines and had plenty of play time before school.
Despite the fact that I had prayed fervently that morning to be the mother I dream of being, my patience was put to the test all morning. The boys fought worse than ever and Camilla woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I had to run to the store, so I decided to drop Camilla at school on our way. She asked to bring her umbrella, but I quickly said "no". I thought of the hassle it would be for her at school, and I was frazzled from the mornings events. When we got to school I looked in my rear-view mirror to find miss Camilla choking back tears. "EVERY one has an umbrella today...." she explained in a quiet voice. My heart broke and I wished I hadn't been so quick to respond earlier. I wished more than ever that I could just keep her home for the day and hug her. We had a quick hug in the van and smoothed things over before she left for the day. As we drove away I cried, feeling like the worst mother in the world!
As soon as we arrived home the boys resumed their morning of arguing. It drove me nuts to see them treat each other so terrible. After one of them hit the other for the fiftieth time that morning I lost it. I knelt down to their level and choked back tears while bringing them close together, "If you want to hit him, then hit him!" They both looked at me, stunned. Of course neither wanted to hit the other (even though they just had moments before). They hugged and made up and I fell onto Camilla's bed with the door shut and had a good cry.
Just as the boys got settled into a show, the power went out. It was getting close to lunch time, so we rigged up something that didn't need cooking. The day just kept getting better!
I ran Joe to a birthday party and came home to take advantage of the time. After a few minutes of being home I noticed Finley looking around and gulping down his spit quicker than usual. I recognized the signs and ran him to the toilet. He missed, leaving me with a big puddle of puke to clean up. He was completely fine after, so I'm not sure what made him sick. I spent the next little while giving that bathroom a once over while Hyrum enjoyed some quiet time.
I then took some time for myself and printed out a favorite quote. I framed it and hung it in our bathroom as a little reminder each day that Heavenly Father knows me, my hopes and dreams, and what I'm going through. I've been feeling lonely lately, and this quote added a measure of happiness to my day that I needed.
We then ran to pick up Joe, stopped to do some errands, and rushed home to meet Camilla off her bus. After a quick snack we headed into the city to buy a new dishwasher. We found a really nice one, and although big purchases are stressful for me, I'm grateful that we are able to get one. We went home and enjoyed a nice family meal at DQ and topped off the evening with ice cream. The children went to bed happy and well.
I spent a lot of my day trying to figure out how to separate the stresses of life from my mothering. A dear friend reminded me that those two things are nearly impossible to separate. There are many days filled with joy, and then there are days like these. Tough, soul searching days, where many tears are shed and I find myself stretched to capacity. I reached out to my support system. Sometimes just a phone call, a quick cry with someone listening, a sympathetic word, and some good advice is all I need to keep pushing forward. And I was so grateful today for good friends.
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