Pondering Motherhood

My day today began at 4:30 AM when I heard my two oldest downstairs whispering. I went down to investigate and sent them back to bed. Camilla slept until 8:00 but Hyrum never did go back to sleep in our bed. While I made breakfast, Hyrum ran circles around the kitchen and asked a million questions. "Ya wanna play Uno Mommy?" I stood there wishing I could steal some of his energy for myself. The children spent the morning burning energy in pretend play. After a quick lunch I took the boys up for their nap, and squeezed in a few winks myself. When Joe woke from his nap he was clicking his tongue like he does when he's hungry. I chatted on the phone with my Mum while he ate in his chair. When he was finished I pulled him out only to get a handful of poop and to hear the rest plop on the floor by my toes. To much information, I know, but this is the real deal. I did some damage control in the tub before finally running him a nice warm bath and changing my shirt. Then he gave me the sweetest grins ever and I could hardly resist smooching those shiny little cheeks of his over and over again.

Hyrum then woke before he was ready and proceeded to whine and cry for the next hour. After all that I still had a floor to clean and disinfect! I left Joe under the watchful eye of his big sister while I scrubbed and listened to Mr. H whine on the stairs. Camilla's belly giggles were much welcomed as Joe climbed all over her and played.

Sunday was another tough day. People who read this blog probably wonder why we even attempt church when it mostly ends in a gongshow. Even though there are Sundays where I end up crying in frustration, I know that being there is the right thing for our family, for our kids, and over all we end up leaving feeling more uplifted then when we arrived. This Sunday was no different. When we first pulled into the parking lot Camilla burst into tears because she left her beloved stuffed dog, Cody at home. She cried all the way in and pouted all through the first meeting. Hyrum bolted to the chapel like he does every Sunday. Joseph wasn't content to sit still at all and Mike and I each halved our time spent with him in the hallway where he would wiggle, squirm, scream and fight until we let him run free. My favorite part was when he finally gave in and napped. I sat in a quiet room for ten minuted by myself, pondering Sundays and motherhood and recent trials. When church was finished I found happy kids who were uplifted and enriched by their Sunday lessons. When I asked Camilla to please get her coat on she responded with a "yes, mother!" (thanks to her lesson on choosing the right). Everyone listened well while we braved the cold to the car and we left feeling better than when we came.

I've been thinking a lot lately on this wonderful, ever changing role of motherhood and how I can do a better job. It isn't by any means an easy task and I definitely have my share of bad days and tough moments with the littles. Motherhood is by far one of the hardest things I've ever done. I've found myself wishing I could be more patient, more slow to anger, and more observant. I sometimes wish I could be a gourmet chef and prepare more than PB&J for lunch. I wish I could find a way to make my children magically eat their vegetables and gobble up their dinners without a fight. How did my Mum make this look so easy? How can I be that mother I dream of being instead of the one that's barely treading water somedays? How can I feel more joy throughout my days? I know that the joy of motherhood comes in moments, but with three rambunctious littles, sometimes those moments are hard to spot in the chaos of everyday life.

It's amazing what a simple prayer can do. I find that I need a prayer in my heart all day long to help me be more patient and kind when there's messes made or problems to solve.

And sometimes it's the simple things like finding toy cars in my washing machine, wooden blocks in my dryer, alphabet magnets in my pots and pans and rubber ducks in my toilet that cause me to smile and that lend perspective to the joyous journey of raising children.

Yes, even during family home evening tonight when I was trying to read over the endless energy my children seemed to have while paper airplanes were whizzing passed my head, I couldn't help but smile. This is my life. It is chaotic, crazy, sometimes hard... But it is mine, and it is wonderful!