Nursing Woes

These past few days with a new baby at home have been great. Amidst the trying moments and hard times there have been moments of pure joy. I've always pictured myself with a family, but it's hard to believe that I already have three of my own to love and to teach. The children are adjusting well to having a new sibling. Camilla loves having a new baby in the home and is pretty helpful. Hyrum is so so gentle with the new baby and it melts my heart every time he points to him and says, "Baby Go" (baby Joe). He loves to look at him, lay beside him and laugh at him.  Such sweet moments to watch.

I am in love with my new baby boy. He has however been our least content baby. Night times are trying and he nurses so much that he has a little rash on his poor chin. Last night after the children went to bed he cried for a pretty good chunk of time. He would nurse, but be unsatisfied and eventually get frustrated. It was so hard to see him so upset and not be able to do anything about it. Mike came and sat beside me on the couch as I tried to console our sad baby boy. Finally, he said the words that I had been thinking to myself for the last half hour, "Maybe he's not getting enough to eat?" Although I had been thinking it, hearing the actual words made me get all teary eyed. He had already had a supplement of formula his first night in the hospital after being inconsolable. I thought my milk had come in, but I think he was eating it as fast as my body was making it. I suddenly felt so disappointed in myself and in my body.  I felt so helpless and wished that I could be the one to calm my baby boy, but he just wouldn't nurse because he knew there was nothing there. Mr. Stannix then offered to go out in the cold of the night to pick up some formula. I nodded as more tears fell down my cheeks. I felt like such a failure, and it was so so hard.

While he was out picking up the formula Baby Joe continued to cry and scream. I changed his wet diaper, hoping it would help calm him down. As I bent over his little body on the floor more tears fell. I wished more than anything there was something I could do to calm him down. We walked the living room, sushing and bouncing slightly as we went. I pressed his sad little face next to mine and tried my hardest to console him. I literally felt helpless. Finally he nursed just long enough to calm down before Mike arrived with formula in hand. Joseph had seemed to be better, but still wasn't quite content. I hesitated and thought about whether or not to make him up a bottle, and wished that my body would just do what it was supposed to. Finally after a prayer for help, I thought it would be best to make him up a tiny bottle. 

He took the bottle immediately and ate most of it right away. We paused part way through for a burp. As I lied him back with his head cupped in my palm his eyes slowly began to close, his little tummy finally satisfied. His mouth was open slightly where the bottle had been and grin after grin formed on his face as he drifted off to sleep. All was peaceful once more and we were able to laugh and feel relief as we watched him smiling in his sleep.

I am so grateful for divine inspiration and a husband who is so in tune. It's so great to be able to pray for help in times of need and receive answers from a loving Heavenly Father.