A Few Things

 I haven't put much heart into this dear old blog for a little while. Life gets crazy sometimes and I haven't been feeling as passionate about writing lately. The children are growing before my eyes and sometimes I wish I could keep them the way they are forever. Sometimes there's those perfect moments in the middle of the crazy that make it all seem worth it, and these are the moments I live for. 

Today it was Fin singing over and over again, "Here I am, here I am, how do ya do." I especially love when he wakes up from his nap and needs a little snuggle to make the world right again. He wraps his long toddler arms around my neck and rests his head on my shoulders, and it's the best!

My heart swelled with joy as I watched Joe and Ollie wrestle on the toddler bed, faces smooshed together, Ollie grinning ear to ear. Joe has become such an amazing big brother and I am so glad that I decided to have him home with me for an extra year. Being the oldest at home is so good for him. 

Bath time was a treat. As I washed the little boys' hair, the water framed their sweet faces and I couldn't help but notice all of their freckles and how mature they looked! 

Chubby baby toes, rolly little legs and belly giggles are my favorite.

I adored watching the children's faces glow as they sipped their caramel steamers by candle light during family scripture study. 

After they fell asleep I tidied up a few toys and looked up the staircase where the light hit the floor just right to reveal the trail of footprints through my kitchen from an unknown child who came home from the park with wet socks. There was a clear trail all around the kitchen showing where they had walked and I just had to smile. 

Just before I tucked in for the night Ollie woke up crying. I went into the nursery and scooped him up for a hug. He immediately nestled his face into my neck and wrapped his arms around mine tight. His eyelashes tickled my neck as he slowly drifted off to sleep.  My heart simultaneously ached for those newborn snuggles and filled with joy.

Sure there was fighting and tantrums and whining and crazy, but there was also a lot of sweet moments that I never want to forget.

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Snowed In

We flew in last night just in time for the first snowfall of the season. The wind shook our house as we slept, blankets pulled to our chins. I snuggled in with Finley before the sun came up to catch a few more winks before it was time to start the day. He gave me a big "hello" squeeze before rolling over and falling back to sleep as the world outside transformed into a Winter wonderland. 

The wet snow stuck to everything and snowdrifts had formed all over the yard. The rooftops sparkled in the morning light and the windows gradually became covered with snow as the wind blew relentlessly. I needed groceries, but who wants to go out in this weather? Instead I hunkered down and made due.

It was a perfect day to curl up and turn on the oven. As I mixed the dough for bread I was notified that the roads were terrible and Mr. Stannix and my Mum would be turning around and coming home. Shortly after their safe arrival, the highways began closing in all directions thanks to white out conditions and treacherous winds. I baked the bread while the power flickered on and off, and then threw a pot roast in the oven for the afternoon. 

Naps were had as the blowing snow stuck to the windows outside. After reading the news and being grieved by the events in the States recently, I found great comfort in our cozy home and holding my little one's close. 

We enjoyed having my Mum for an extended stay. She got some good belly-laughs from Mr. Oliver this afternoon. It was sweet watching them together!

When the children arrived home from school they filled their tummies and went outside to play! The snow was heavy and wet and the wind didn't let up. We welcomed friends for dinner who were unable to get home due to cars and a plow being stuck on their road. It made for a cozy gathering around the table and we were so glad they called!

General Conference

 Today we were up bright and early to catch the train to temple square! We watched the first session of General Conference in the Joseph Smith Memorial theater. There were so many great messages and my heart was touched so many times by stories and quotes from our church leaders. I received many quiet answers to prayers or problems and came away feeling so uplifted!

We crossed the street to the mall in between sessions for a quick bite to eat. The girl and I hit up a Chinese food place and Mr. Stannix grabbed a giant slice of pizza. The lines got crazy and it was hard to find a table. We ate quick and headed back to the conference session with tickets in hand. It was so special to go in with our girl!

We sat closer than I ever have before, and enjoyed the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and the messages that were shared. Camilla was such a trooper and even took a whole page of notes without prompting. I love this girl and her enthusiasm for the Gospel and learning.

 

Mike was able to score a ticket for Priesthood session and sat 15 rows from the front! He just about shook president Uchtdorf's hand! He said the session was great! While Mike was at the priesthood session, the girl and I hit up ladies night at Desseret Book. It was crazy town in there! The six sisters were there signing books, two artists were there signing pictures, and a vocal group was there providing live entertainment. There were give aways and crazy lines!! I was glad we had purchased most of our things the day before.

We met up with Daddy outside the bookstore. It was hard to pick him out of the 100 men wearing suits and crossing the road. We held hands and walked around temple square before heading to dinner. We arrived at our hotel just in time to take one last dip in the pool before it closed. Camilla fell asleep pretty quick while Daddy and I read our books.

Conference Eve

This morning began with a big breakfast at Denny's! Camilla demolished three whole pancakes and I thoroughly enjoyed my salted caramel, banana cream pancake and eggs. Mr. Stannix ordered a yummy egg sandwich. There is nothing like a giant breakfast to start the day off right!

We also discovered the "free fare" zone and enjoyed a train ride back to temple square!

 The blue sky and sunshine were a happy sight upon arriving on the square. We spent the rest of our morning at the North Visitor Center viewing the new videos on the Restoration. They were so moving and well done and helped strengthen my testimony of our dear prophet and the translation of the Book of Mormon.

Upstairs we enjoyed a new video on families. It was super thought provoking and touching as well. It really makes you realize what is important in life.

There were a few weddings going on at the temple, so we took a closer look at the grounds and snapped a few more pictures.

In the late afternoon we headed back to the hotel (as per Camilla's request) and hit up the pool again while Daddy napped. After dinner we drove over to Murray to meet up with an old dear friend from our home stake. It was so great to catch up and meet his adorable family. We hadn't seen him since our wedding forever ago. We drove back to our hotel feeling nostalgic and content.

Salt Lake City

This morning we woke bright and early at 3:00am to catch a flight to Salt Lake City. We decided long ago that we would like to take our children on a special trip to General Conference after they turn 8. We have been blessed with amazing family who have kindly agreed to watch our boys so that this could be a special trip for just the three of us! Camilla was super nervous about flying (there may have been some tears) and had to really prep herself for it. Last night when we got home from dropping the boys off she asked if she had time to ride her bike really fast down the hill to the park a few times. When I asked her why she said, "Because I want to practise going fast so I'm ready for when the plane takes off." She soon discovered that take off and flying isn't nearly as bad as she anticipated. She loved it so much she wanted to turn back around and do it again!

After being in the air for a short time we witnessed the most glorious sunrise! Somehow viewing it from the sky made it that much better than usual. I loved watching the colors change from a deep orange to a light pink. Camilla stared out the window the entire time and I made it a good chunk of the way through my novel. 

We arrived crazy early, checked into our hotel and grabbed breakfast at McDonalds. We spent the rest of our day touring around temple square and taking in the sites there. 

We began our morning with a tour of the conference center! Camilla got to learn lots and ask questions. We listened to the organ, admired the beautiful paintings, and took a stroll around the roof. 

The gardens were incredible! We loved walking around and looking at the flowers.

We checked out the museum and got a tour of the tabernacle from the sister missionaries. Camilla loved when they stood at the front of the tabernacle and demonstrated the acoustics. At the back of the room we could hear a pin drop and a piece of paper rip without any microphone at all! It was designed by a bridge builder and is actually a series of bridges put together. 

In the late afternoon we wandered back to our hotel for a dip in the pool and a nap. 

Daddy took us to Cafe Rio for dinner (of course) and we were all excited about the huge plate of delicious salad and special sauce. The tortillas are made right before our eyes and taste so fresh and yum!

It's so good that you want to eat every last bite, even though you're stuffed!

Camilla approved.

After that we drove over to Park City to do some shopping at the outlet mall. The drive through the valley was breathtaking with all of the Autumn colors. Sadly the pictures I took don't do it justice. We enjoyed our evening walking around and checking out shops. We drove back to the hotel in the dark and were so ready for bed!

Autumn Afternoons

We are enjoying this season so much! The late afternoons and golden evenings draw us outdoors to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine. It's cooler, but the children don't mind much. We bundle in sweaters, vests, jackets and have just as much fun as we ever had. Here are some pictures from Saturday!

Back to School

The weekends always rush by.

We're back to school this morning!

I am so glad that I get to keep this boy home with me.

I cherish these quiet mornings.

Sunday Snoozin'

 All was quiet in the Stannix home on this Sunday afternoon. Over half of the littles (and Daddy) crashed shortly after lunch. It made for a very peaceful and still few hours.

Infinite Worth

 A few months back I was really struggling with my sense of self-worth. Sometimes I feel stuck and think that my lack of secondary education makes me useless and inferior to those around me. Growing up, I always knew that I wanted to be a mother. I understood the divine role that mother's had and learned from my own mother's great example. And even though I did complete a few years towards a university degree, being a mother was ultimately all I ever wanted in this life, which is why I decided to pursue a career in motherhood instead of teaching.  Without going into too many details, I was feeling really down on myself. I was giving up hobbies that made me happy to make others happy, and staying home more than I should to let others go out or fulfill obligations. It was rough (just ask my husband who attended all of my pity parties and kindly let me cry on his shoulder night after night). Somehow I had lead myself to believe that if I didn't have a secondary education, I wasn't smart, and I didn't have anything to offer the world. I was feeling like "just a mom". Sometimes we can fall into the trap of measuring our worth by comparison. With the world constantly telling me how to measure my value, I began pondering the word "worth" and wondering what my own worth was to my Heavenly Father.

 I started feeling completely useless as a mother while I cleaned, and nagged and desperately tried to teach them. I used to be a really fun mom. I used to have an imagination and lots of time to play. I used to laugh and read to them and find humor in their mistakes. I used to understand that they are learning and gently guide them along. It's so hard to measure your worth as a mother and sometimes it's difficult to see that the little things and the smallest efforts each day matter.

While there were days where I felt important and valued, there became significantly more where I felt quite the opposite. I truly felt like I was in the "depths of despair", as Anne Shirley would say. I began to feel like the laundry fairy, the maid, the chef, and the grocery shopper. I was running on little to no sleep with a teething baby and an early rising preschooler and my emotions were frazzled. I couldn't help but wonder, when my kids are grown will they remember me shouting at them to clean their rooms as I stub my toe on a million toys on the way out? Or will they remember me kissing them good-night and sitting at their bedside as they tell me about their day?

One day as I folded the clean laundry that was strewn all over the basement floor, tears began to tumble down my cheeks. I wondered if any of what I was doing mattered to anyone. I figured that no body could possibly know how I felt at that very moment (except maybe every other mom in the world, and our loving Heavenly Father). I felt needed, but not noticed. If only someone, anyone, could see the love and time I spent on things, the sacrifice, the late nights worrying if I'm doing everything right. 

Then one night I stumbled on a quote a friend of mine shared that hit me hard, because it was exactly what was happening to me. And I immediately knew that the thoughts I was having did not come from a loving Heavenly Father.

"Another way Satan deceives is through discouragement. He attempts to focus our sight on our own insignificance until we begin to doubt that we have much worth." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Caitlin Connolly

It didn't get better over night, but gradually with support from friends and family, lots of prayers, and a much needed priesthood blessing, things started to look up again. I started by shifting my focus from the seemingly unfair things towards more important and happy things. I started reading my scriptures more, praying diligently, and writing in my journal. I made a point of hugging my kids more and really paying attention to them. Instead of feeling badly about my passions and hobbies I decided to embrace them! There are times when reading a book or finishing a crochet project can be more important than finishing a sink full of dishes. I took time for myself. Many might think that's a no-brainer, but with five kids and a husband it becomes easy to fall into the habit of giving, and never receiving or taking time to refill my bucket. Some nights it was a simple as a quick trip to the grocery store by myself after Mike got home. Other nights it was a quick soak in the bath. I made a point of serving others more (mostly in the form of baking) and focusing on them, rather than my worries always helped! The kids would gladly run cookies and bread to neighbors and friends as I thought of them. Most days, I am left wishing I could do more, but I am learning to be content with the season of life I'm in right now. It is crazy, exhausting, and wonderful all at the same time and it's teaching me so much each day.

 "My dear sisters, your Heavenly Father loves you -- Each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God's love is there for you whether or not you deserve love. It is simply always there." 

-Thomas S. Monson

The other night while I was making dinner, my sweet toddler began quietly singing a favorite primary song as he played blocks nearby. "I am a chiwld of God, He sent me here. Ha diven me an erf-lee home wit parents kind and deeeear... Weed me, guide me. Wot beee..side me. Hewlp me find da wayyy tea me aw dat I mut dooooo....To wiv wif Him tum-dayyyy". Prayers were answered and tears stung my eyes as I was reminded that I am a child of God. We are so blessed to know where we came from and what we have the potential to become. I may not ever hold a university degree, (at least not in this season of my life), but I am a child of God, and I am of infinite worth, and his love is always there. Sometimes we just have to look a little harder for it.

I am a child of God,

And he has sent me here,

Has given me an earthly home

With parents kind and dear.

 

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,

Help me find the way.

Teach me all that I must do

To live with him someday.

 

Spiritual Enlightenment here and here