Conference Eve

This morning began with a big breakfast at Denny's! Camilla demolished three whole pancakes and I thoroughly enjoyed my salted caramel, banana cream pancake and eggs. Mr. Stannix ordered a yummy egg sandwich. There is nothing like a giant breakfast to start the day off right!

We also discovered the "free fare" zone and enjoyed a train ride back to temple square!

 The blue sky and sunshine were a happy sight upon arriving on the square. We spent the rest of our morning at the North Visitor Center viewing the new videos on the Restoration. They were so moving and well done and helped strengthen my testimony of our dear prophet and the translation of the Book of Mormon.

Upstairs we enjoyed a new video on families. It was super thought provoking and touching as well. It really makes you realize what is important in life.

There were a few weddings going on at the temple, so we took a closer look at the grounds and snapped a few more pictures.

In the late afternoon we headed back to the hotel (as per Camilla's request) and hit up the pool again while Daddy napped. After dinner we drove over to Murray to meet up with an old dear friend from our home stake. It was so great to catch up and meet his adorable family. We hadn't seen him since our wedding forever ago. We drove back to our hotel feeling nostalgic and content.

Salt Lake City

This morning we woke bright and early at 3:00am to catch a flight to Salt Lake City. We decided long ago that we would like to take our children on a special trip to General Conference after they turn 8. We have been blessed with amazing family who have kindly agreed to watch our boys so that this could be a special trip for just the three of us! Camilla was super nervous about flying (there may have been some tears) and had to really prep herself for it. Last night when we got home from dropping the boys off she asked if she had time to ride her bike really fast down the hill to the park a few times. When I asked her why she said, "Because I want to practise going fast so I'm ready for when the plane takes off." She soon discovered that take off and flying isn't nearly as bad as she anticipated. She loved it so much she wanted to turn back around and do it again!

After being in the air for a short time we witnessed the most glorious sunrise! Somehow viewing it from the sky made it that much better than usual. I loved watching the colors change from a deep orange to a light pink. Camilla stared out the window the entire time and I made it a good chunk of the way through my novel. 

We arrived crazy early, checked into our hotel and grabbed breakfast at McDonalds. We spent the rest of our day touring around temple square and taking in the sites there. 

We began our morning with a tour of the conference center! Camilla got to learn lots and ask questions. We listened to the organ, admired the beautiful paintings, and took a stroll around the roof. 

The gardens were incredible! We loved walking around and looking at the flowers.

We checked out the museum and got a tour of the tabernacle from the sister missionaries. Camilla loved when they stood at the front of the tabernacle and demonstrated the acoustics. At the back of the room we could hear a pin drop and a piece of paper rip without any microphone at all! It was designed by a bridge builder and is actually a series of bridges put together. 

In the late afternoon we wandered back to our hotel for a dip in the pool and a nap. 

Daddy took us to Cafe Rio for dinner (of course) and we were all excited about the huge plate of delicious salad and special sauce. The tortillas are made right before our eyes and taste so fresh and yum!

It's so good that you want to eat every last bite, even though you're stuffed!

Camilla approved.

After that we drove over to Park City to do some shopping at the outlet mall. The drive through the valley was breathtaking with all of the Autumn colors. Sadly the pictures I took don't do it justice. We enjoyed our evening walking around and checking out shops. We drove back to the hotel in the dark and were so ready for bed!

Autumn Afternoons

We are enjoying this season so much! The late afternoons and golden evenings draw us outdoors to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine. It's cooler, but the children don't mind much. We bundle in sweaters, vests, jackets and have just as much fun as we ever had. Here are some pictures from Saturday!

Back to School

The weekends always rush by.

We're back to school this morning!

I am so glad that I get to keep this boy home with me.

I cherish these quiet mornings.

Sunday Snoozin'

 All was quiet in the Stannix home on this Sunday afternoon. Over half of the littles (and Daddy) crashed shortly after lunch. It made for a very peaceful and still few hours.

Infinite Worth

 A few months back I was really struggling with my sense of self-worth. Sometimes I feel stuck and think that my lack of secondary education makes me useless and inferior to those around me. Growing up, I always knew that I wanted to be a mother. I understood the divine role that mother's had and learned from my own mother's great example. And even though I did complete a few years towards a university degree, being a mother was ultimately all I ever wanted in this life, which is why I decided to pursue a career in motherhood instead of teaching.  Without going into too many details, I was feeling really down on myself. I was giving up hobbies that made me happy to make others happy, and staying home more than I should to let others go out or fulfill obligations. It was rough (just ask my husband who attended all of my pity parties and kindly let me cry on his shoulder night after night). Somehow I had lead myself to believe that if I didn't have a secondary education, I wasn't smart, and I didn't have anything to offer the world. I was feeling like "just a mom". Sometimes we can fall into the trap of measuring our worth by comparison. With the world constantly telling me how to measure my value, I began pondering the word "worth" and wondering what my own worth was to my Heavenly Father.

 I started feeling completely useless as a mother while I cleaned, and nagged and desperately tried to teach them. I used to be a really fun mom. I used to have an imagination and lots of time to play. I used to laugh and read to them and find humor in their mistakes. I used to understand that they are learning and gently guide them along. It's so hard to measure your worth as a mother and sometimes it's difficult to see that the little things and the smallest efforts each day matter.

While there were days where I felt important and valued, there became significantly more where I felt quite the opposite. I truly felt like I was in the "depths of despair", as Anne Shirley would say. I began to feel like the laundry fairy, the maid, the chef, and the grocery shopper. I was running on little to no sleep with a teething baby and an early rising preschooler and my emotions were frazzled. I couldn't help but wonder, when my kids are grown will they remember me shouting at them to clean their rooms as I stub my toe on a million toys on the way out? Or will they remember me kissing them good-night and sitting at their bedside as they tell me about their day?

One day as I folded the clean laundry that was strewn all over the basement floor, tears began to tumble down my cheeks. I wondered if any of what I was doing mattered to anyone. I figured that no body could possibly know how I felt at that very moment (except maybe every other mom in the world, and our loving Heavenly Father). I felt needed, but not noticed. If only someone, anyone, could see the love and time I spent on things, the sacrifice, the late nights worrying if I'm doing everything right. 

Then one night I stumbled on a quote a friend of mine shared that hit me hard, because it was exactly what was happening to me. And I immediately knew that the thoughts I was having did not come from a loving Heavenly Father.

"Another way Satan deceives is through discouragement. He attempts to focus our sight on our own insignificance until we begin to doubt that we have much worth." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Caitlin Connolly

It didn't get better over night, but gradually with support from friends and family, lots of prayers, and a much needed priesthood blessing, things started to look up again. I started by shifting my focus from the seemingly unfair things towards more important and happy things. I started reading my scriptures more, praying diligently, and writing in my journal. I made a point of hugging my kids more and really paying attention to them. Instead of feeling badly about my passions and hobbies I decided to embrace them! There are times when reading a book or finishing a crochet project can be more important than finishing a sink full of dishes. I took time for myself. Many might think that's a no-brainer, but with five kids and a husband it becomes easy to fall into the habit of giving, and never receiving or taking time to refill my bucket. Some nights it was a simple as a quick trip to the grocery store by myself after Mike got home. Other nights it was a quick soak in the bath. I made a point of serving others more (mostly in the form of baking) and focusing on them, rather than my worries always helped! The kids would gladly run cookies and bread to neighbors and friends as I thought of them. Most days, I am left wishing I could do more, but I am learning to be content with the season of life I'm in right now. It is crazy, exhausting, and wonderful all at the same time and it's teaching me so much each day.

 "My dear sisters, your Heavenly Father loves you -- Each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God's love is there for you whether or not you deserve love. It is simply always there." 

-Thomas S. Monson

The other night while I was making dinner, my sweet toddler began quietly singing a favorite primary song as he played blocks nearby. "I am a chiwld of God, He sent me here. Ha diven me an erf-lee home wit parents kind and deeeear... Weed me, guide me. Wot beee..side me. Hewlp me find da wayyy tea me aw dat I mut dooooo....To wiv wif Him tum-dayyyy". Prayers were answered and tears stung my eyes as I was reminded that I am a child of God. We are so blessed to know where we came from and what we have the potential to become. I may not ever hold a university degree, (at least not in this season of my life), but I am a child of God, and I am of infinite worth, and his love is always there. Sometimes we just have to look a little harder for it.

I am a child of God,

And he has sent me here,

Has given me an earthly home

With parents kind and dear.

 

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,

Help me find the way.

Teach me all that I must do

To live with him someday.

 

Spiritual Enlightenment here and here

Street Hockey

 The children spent most of their afternoon playing street hockey! They had fun making up plays, passing and pretending they were playing an intense game. I heard lots of things like, "And the crowd goes wild!" and "Oilers win the playoffs!" It was pretty hilarious. I especially loved Camilla's between the leg passes back to her brothers. They played until their feet hurt too much to play any longer and then asked me for a team picture. They came in for dinner with rosy cheeks and grins from ear to ear.

Afternoon Snuggles

We woke this morning to a cotton candy sky. The puffy, pink clouds looked dreamy against the baby blue background as the suns rays poked up from behind the rooftops. "Wow! It's so pretty!" Camilla exclaimed as she sprung up the stairs for breakfast. We gathered in the kitchen and filled our tummies with warm cream of wheat (or white porridge as the boys call it). It's a favorite for everyone, except our girl who opted for Gramma's raspberry jam on some lightly toasted bread.

We welcomed friends for the morning to roll and bake some big, soft ginger cookies. We poured the kids each a glass of milk and let them enjoy a few warm cookies while we visited. It was a great time!

I tucked Ollie into his crib and snuggled into bed with Fin in the early afternoon. Watching him drift off to sleep is one of my favorite things. After soaking in the moment, I tip-toed downstairs to check on Joe, who was playing quietly with blocks. The scent of ginger cookies had made it's way downstairs where the air was cool. A Fall breeze blew through the cracked windows as rain began to fall outside. It was a good afternoon for snuggling on the couch under blankets. Joe cozied up in the crook of my arm and we enjoyed a few episodes of a favorite show. After being up most of the night with a sad, feverish babe, I may have dozed off once or twice. Upstairs, the little boys napped for over two hours as the rain fell and trickled down the drain pipes on the side of the house. 

Just when I thought my afternoon couldn't be anymore perfect or care-free, the big kids came running through the front door. Every day the door opens and they shout, "Hi, Mom!" or "Mom, We're home!" Those words make everything in the world seem right. They run into the kitchen and reach into the cookie jar, or open the fridge, or check out the pantry. It is the one moment in my day where I truly feel important and needed. I love being at the crossroads.

After tucking them each into bed, I grabbed a blanket, my crochet hook and turn on a chick flick. This is absolutely my favorite season of all. I can't wait to snuggle up with my sweetheart after he gets home from work.

"Preserve your memories, keep them well, what you forget you can never retell."

 -Louisa May Alcott

An Autumn Walk

 We took advantage of the sunny weather today and enjoyed a nice long walk! The sky was blue, the sun was shining, and there weren't too many people out on the trail. Fin started out walking the dog, and then pushed the stroller once we got to the wide, open space. It was so refreshing to get out of the house and get some exercise! This beautiful weather won't last long, so we are soaking up every last drop of sunshine.

Mr. Potatoe Head

Oliver has become quite the clown these days. Tonight, he ate his dinner with a spoon all on his own. After five kids and countless messes I've opted for spoon feeding him myself to avoid unnecessary clean-up. I decided to be brave and let him feed himself tonight and most of it ended up on his head.

Before long we were all peeing our pants laughing while Camilla made jokes about "Mr. Potato head".

He loved every minute of it! Here's to more messes in his near future.