Blessed Rain

 As my head hit the pillow last night, the sky broke open and it started to pour. I fell asleep as I listened to the rhythmic sound of rain drops on the roof. I tucked the covers up to my chin and closed my eyes. I slept on and off as the wind blew and the rain fell, and woke to happy kids.

 My mother's day flowers are still alive and well on my kitchen table. They are a happy thing to see every morning. 

 Just before lunch the clouds rolled in and rain started to fall again. I stepped out on the deck to breath in the fresh smell. I thought of how happy Camilla would be running outside at lunch with her umbrella, and smiled.

 The earth soaked up the little droplets just as quickly as they fell.

 This guy was a hoot at snack time!

 I didn't get in as much baking as I would have liked today, but I did start some sour dough (wish me luck!) and read a few chapters of my novel. 

 The boys got along so great today! When the rain started they couldn't wait to go out and play.

 They jumped and laughed until they got cold!

 While I prepped dinner, Joseph kept Finley happy. The moment I got down on the floor to play with them Finley ran towards me so fast he about knocked me over. It always amuses me how much little boys like to wrestle. They are a little softer on their mamma, and I love kissing their faces as they jump all over me.

Snuggling my baby bump was a nice end to the day...

Joy in Simplicity

Lately I have found myself praying for joy on a daily bases.  I've been so caught up in the repetitiveness of laundry, cooking, cleaning, diaper changing and nose wiping that I have forgotten the whole purpose behind why I do these things. Instead of doing them out of love, I have found myself doing them grudgingly. I've been so focused on the tough parts of mothering and weighed down with feelings of guilt. I've always had a vision of who I wanted to be as a mother, and each day I find myself falling short. I've been trying to let go, to be more forgiving (of myself), and focus more on the simple things each day. I've been trying to find balance between who I am and being a mom.  It's taken a little while but I'm slowly rediscovering the joy of mothering amidst the mundane, every day tasks.

Is There Something on my Back by Caitlin Connolly

The early mornings are eased by the hugs and kisses on the cheek from my affectionate three year old. He is always found in our bed in the early morning nestled in next to me waiting for me to make breakfast. Some mornings he falls back to sleep as I rub his cold legs and scratch his back lightly.

I struggle for patience as we go through the morning routine, constantly prompting them from one task to the next. We giggle a bit around the breakfast table if everyone is in an agreeable mood. My little girly will give me a hug and call out "Good-bye, Mamma!" as she walks out the door to catch the bus. She has began affectionately calling me "mamma" just recently and it makes me smile.

 I have been trying to approach things with more humor. This isn't always easy, especially when you find the carpet (and a few toys) soaked, and the basement door wide open as the boys have a full on water fight with the hose (that isn't supposed to be turned on at 8:00am). After feeling angry, I took a deep breath and got them to help me clean up the mess. I always find myself smiling as I close the door and watch them play.

Giving Things Up by Caitlin Connolly

 This morning I found joy in watching my littlest's face as he dumped the block bucket and picked it up over and over again. He was giggling with his brother as they threw blocks in the bucket together. It wasn't long before he put the bucket on his head and busted out some good belly laughs as he stumbled around the play room.

He's getting close to the "terrible two's" and becoming more mischievous by the day. Sometimes when trouble erupts I chuckle and remind myself about all of the things we've survived in the past (toys in the toilet, oil all over the kitchen floor, phones in the bath). So when I find him and half of the playroom covered in lotion, I can't help but roll my eyes and laugh at the grin on his face as lotion oozes between his toes. 

I have found great joy in slowing down and taking extra care using a soft, warm washcloth to wipe my toddler's hands and face. There is something about cupping a child's hand in mine that warms my heart and connects us together. I could have rushed to clean him up, but today I waited for the water to get nice and warm, and took care in wiping the watermelon juice off his cheeks. I've found that when I'm able to slow down and relish in the simplicity of things, the joy of mothering begins to swell again in my heart.

This whole week I have made a conscious effort to get down to their level when I speak to them or tell them important things. When they ask me questions I try to look them in the eye and smile before I respond. It gives me a few seconds to collect myself or work through frustrating feelings so that I can respond a little more rationally. I have tried to say "yes" more to the simple questions about what they'd like for snack, or where they'd like to go next. Responding with a smile increases the love in our home and usually helps them listen better, too!

 When I find myself working in the kitchen while my toddler weaves in and around my legs over and over, throwing my balance and testing my patience, I just go with it. Because when he looks up at me with his huge grin and snot bubbles hanging from his nose I can't help but let out a laugh. If I find myself feeling blah during the day, I try to laugh as much as I can.

When I let them, my kids help me to let go of the "serious" nature of being an adult and enjoy a really good laugh. Just the other day the kids started calling each other funny names at the dinner table. Usually I'd remind them about table manners, but today I let it go. "You're a turkey!" one would say. "Your a silly goose!" they would all laugh. And then our goofiest boy piped in, "And I'm a BUTT....A pain in the butt!" Mike and I looked at each other and burst out laughing, it couldn't be helped. If that boy can find any excuse to use a "potty" word, he will!

Mother Protecting by Caitlin Connolly

As the Summer approaches I have removed my watch and let the days go as we please. We still begin our bedtime routines fairly early, but if I don't have a watch to look at I am able to more fully enjoy the children. They like it when I'm more present instead of wondering when I can get to the dishes or have some time to myself.  My not so little girl has been picking out chapter books from the library, levels far above what she reads in class. She struggles through a few words, but for the most part does amazing. She comprehends what she is reading and loves the longer story lines. She's a lot of fun to tuck in lately and I'm loving her goofy side. It's so fun when she gets my jokes!

Recently I've discovered that mothers have many unseen talents such as Reaching under a folded blanket on the bed to find a lost library book, like I knew it was there the whole time. It really is simple things like this that help me feel satisfied as a mother.

Without fail, my oldest will always comes upstairs around 8:00 for a bed time snack, after I've tucked her in for the night. One night she came up with a tummy ache and said, "I prayed about it and Heavenly Father said I need to eat an apple." She was so worried about throwing up on this particular night that she asked her Daddy for a priesthood blessing before tucking back into her bed for the night. I love the way my children teach me about faith each day.

She Stood with her Burdens Placed Beneath her Feet by Caitlin Connolly

 Being a mother is definitely refining. It is a daily struggle to make it through with grace and poise.  But I know that this is the most important work that I will ever do. And if today didn't go quite as planned, I can always try again tomorrow.

"The demands on her were many and her tasks often repetitive and mundane, yet underneath it all was a beautiful serenity, a sense of being about God's work." 

 -D. Todd Christofferson 

"Chile Kids"

 Today the littles woke excited to pick up Grampa from the airport. He's been in Chile for a few weeks with my brother checking out my brother's mission area. They had a wonderful time! Joe frequently talks about his Grampa to friends and strangers at the grocery store. One friend asked, "Where's your Grampa?" Without skipping a beat Joe replied with a shrug, "He's eatin' Chile..." 

 This afternoon Grampa started a pretty epic water fight with the boys. I got a kick out of watching Finley's face as he sprayed his big brothers. They were good sports and ran in for more over and over again. I think they liked hearing their little brother laugh just as much as the rest of us!

 While the three of them played in a freshly filled pool we enjoyed a slush and a chat in the shade. It was fun to hear about their experiences in Chile and compare them to my experience in Costa Rica. I always love hearing about other cultures!

 

 Just before Grampa left he gifted the kids with these adorable little ponchos. They loved them so much they even wore them to bed! After putting his on, Hyrum said, "If we get on a plane with these on and fly to Chile, they're gunna think we're Chile kids!" A laugh escaped me. These little blue-eyed gringo's would stick out like sore thumbs. It's so fun seeing into their minds sometimes. Oh, how they must see the world!

Finley cuddled up and said "cheese" again. I couldn't help myself. Thanks so much for the gifts Grampa!

Plumber Mum

I have spent the last few days trying to fix our kitchen sink on and off. The poor kids have gotten neglected a teensy bit as far as quality time goes. If they needed anything they would come find me, cross legged on the floor taking apart the pipes under the sink. All of the plumbers I called couldn't make it out until next week and I was going crazy without my sink! Today a good neighbor offered to borrow us his plumbers snake. Mr. Stannix tried it a few times, and then had to run to a meeting. I'd come this far and I wasn't about to give up no matter how much my body ached from hauling buckets of non-draining water out of the sink. I snaked it three more times, pouring boiling water down in between each. I finally cleared the blockage by some miracle in the late afternoon and might have jumped up and down a few times in the kitchen. The kids could also be found jumping for joy, they had their mommy back! We ordered pizza and spent the rest of the day at a nearby park to celebrate!

Steady and Sure

 Life has been steady in the Stannix home lately. This week was a tough Mommy week and I often fell asleep feeling inadequate and frustrated with how things were going. Watching the boys bike in the yard while Finley napped today brought joy back into my heart. Hyrum loves helping his brother learn to ride his two wheeler and does it with such patience and love. Hyrum would push the bike up to the top of the little hill and then tell Joseph the best way to get on, which foot to put where. After reassuring Joe that he would never let go, he would carefully grip the handle bars and run along side his little brother down the hill. As he ran, he cheered him on, and then let go for just a few seconds at the bottom to help Joe learn to stop and put his foot down. Once he hopped off his bike they would both jump up and down excitedly and give high fives. They did this for a good half an hour, and I loved every moment. 

There are days where I struggle being a stay at home Mommy, but these little moments help ground me, and remind me why I wanted to do this gig in the first place. I do this for the hugs, the "I love you's", the bed time stories, the hilarious conversations, the learning experiences I get to witness, and the atmosphere I get to create in our home. 

This afternoon Hyrum came up to me while I fiddled with the pipes under the sink and told me he wanted to fly to the sun. I explained to him that it would be much too hot to land on the sun, so he changed his mind and decided he'd like to go to the moon instead. "But not when it's small, " he said, "just when it's round so I can land better." I smiled and explained that the moon is always round, even though it doesn't always look like that in the sky. More questions followed and we had a great time learning together! 

I am so grateful that I get to be home with my littles all day, even though it's hard. I love teaching them and learning with them. I love when I get a glimps into their giant imaginations. I love hearing their thoughts and watching the wheels turn as they process new information. And the look on each of their faces as they came down that hill will be etched in my mind forever.

A Cloudy Monday

 When I looked out the window this morning the clouds were dark and the trees were bent as their leaves danced in the wind. The little ones stayed snug in their beds just a little bit longer than usual thanks to the cooler weather, and I was the first one in the kitchen. They filled their tummies with pancakes and then we got ready for our day. After Camilla left the boys and I tried out a new playdough recipe.

 It was soft and wonderful! The boys played all morning long with their cars and cookie cutters.

 Finley climbed his way onto a chair and planted himself right in the middle of the table where he giggled and played right alongside his brothers.

 There is something about a cloudy day that awakes within me a desire to bake. 

While the boys happily played I made up 2 1/2 dozen pumpkin muffins, four loaves of whole wheat bread, a pail of rhubarb slush, and some beef barley soup. It was the most productive morning I've had in a long time, and it felt good. Our house smelled amazing!

I put my feet up for a little while in the late afternoon. While I was lying on the couch the baby started to tumble around. Camilla quickly came over and giggled as she felt it kick. Hyrum wanted a turn next and couldn't hide his little smirk. They sat around me for the next little while taking turns feeling baby. A sweet moment I will treasure always. Then they skipped off and let their imaginations run wild until dinner. I snuck upstairs and started some tomato herb bread to go with our soup. We enjoyed it for dinner hot out of the oven, smothered in butter. All in all, a pretty productive day I'd say!

Motherhood: Reaching Divinity

To the Mother of my children:

A few years ago we attended a social event together.  During the event we met and talked with many different couples and in the course of our conversations the question "What do you do"? frequently came up.  Many of the women had expressed to us impressive career or educational achievements which I found out from later conversations left you feeling inferior as you answered, "I'm a stay at home mom".

I'm grateful we live in a time where society encourages women to contribute more than ever before!  However, I fear that somehow whether, lost in translation, or completely left out, society has forgotten that of all the contributions that women can make, motherhood excellest them all (Proverbs 31:29).  I have spent a significant portion of my life striving for educational and professional milestones which have been a source of security and blessings to our family, but the work I do pales in significance to the work you do, for the work you are engaged in is divine!

When I watch you with our children these questions I heard not long ago come to mind:

"How is it that a human being can love a child so deeply that you willingly give up a major portion of your freedom for it? How can mortal love be so strong that you voluntarily subject yourself to responsibility, vulnerability, anxiety, and heartache and just keep coming back for more of the same? What kind of mortal love can make you feel, once you have a child, that your life is never, ever your own again? Maternal love has to be divine. There is no other explanation for it. What mothers do is an essential element of Christ’s work. Knowing that should be enough to tell us the impact of such love will range between unbearable and transcendent, over and over again, until with the safety and salvation of the very last child on earth, we can [then] say with Jesus, ‘[Father!] I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do." - Jeffrey R. Holland

I sometimes look at the small world you have created for our children and smile at how beautiful you have made it for them.  You have given our children the most important thing they will ever take with them in this life, the love of their mother!

As the years have passed I see now the confidence in your response to that question we were repeatedly asked during that social event many years ago.  The work you are engaged in has brought beauty, wisdom, virtue, glory and honor upon your countenance.  Surely your children and husband will call you blessed because many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all!

I love you and hope today and every day you feel God's gratitude for your service to Him as a Mother, because you certainly have mine!

Love,

The Father of your children

Sunny Saturday

Today we enjoyed a nice relaxing Saturday together as a family! We started the morning with some french toast, strawberries and homemade syrup. We had no commitments, no where to be, no schedule, and I loved it! Daddy got to spend the day at home and the littles pretty much followed him around all day. 

When Daddy went out to mow the lawn, these three sat and watched from the step. I love the way their personalities are just bursting in this picture. I love how grown up Joe is getting. He's such a chill guy. I adore him. And Miss Camilla is such a proud big sister!

We finally figured out how to work the underground sprinklers and enjoyed cooling off in them a couple times throughout the afternoon. Daddy and Finley made a run for it and I loved listening to them laugh together.

I think it's going to be a fun Summer!

These two totally melt my heart! 

Mid afternoon we found ourselves with five extra neighbor kids in our yard. They all enjoyed jumping on the trampoline, dipping their feet in the kiddie pool and catching ants. Mike and I sat out in the shade watching them all play. I have a feeling our Summer afternoons are going to be full of friends! It was such a relaxing day, and the weather couldn't have been better. After the littles went to sleep Mike and I sat in the yard and talked until it got too cold. It was so great to spend that time together!

Laughter & Love

Today I got to have all of my littles home with me. We have had some rough nights with teething, restless sleeps, and bad dreams. My little girl came to our bedside in the middle of the night needing comfort after a bad dream and snuggled in next to me. Her hair, still in a messy bun from the day before tickled at my nose as she fell asleep wrapped in my arms. I am so glad that my children come to me for comfort and I gladly let them jump in our bed in the middle of the night whenever they need it. She woke happy and content and before long my bed was full of littles still rubbing sleep from their eyes. They each got tickles from Daddy before he got ready to go to work, and then we made our way to the kitchen for breakfast. I can't help but smile at Finley as he skips into the kitchen on his tippy-toes as giggles bubble up from his little belly. Mornings like these are cherished and tucked in my back pocket for later.

Since we weren't in any rush to get to school or catch a bus, we took it easy. I loved not having to look at the time as we ate and got ready for the day. Once everything was tidy and beds were made we took a drive to explore a new park. I am always amazed at how much my children teach me each day. I loved watching them interact and show love all morning. The older two took charge of Finley and held his hand as we walked around the water to the park. Joseph wrapped his chubby hand around mine and grinned up at me to tell me how much he loved me.

And the joy on their faces as they explored was unforgettable. I wished I could capture every moment, each smile. I wished I could photograph the sparkle in Camilla's eyes as she made her way across the monkey bars. I wished I could get a close up of Hyrum's grin as he swung high on the swings. I wanted to get a shot of Joseph's eyebrows as he told me a rather expressive story about the fun bumpy slide.

Before long, it was time to leave. Although we had a free day, we did have an appointment to make at the eye doctors. Everyone got their eyes checked and did amazing! No glasses this year!

The rest of our afternoon was spent around home. After lunch the games of pretend began and they were all in their own little world. They went back and forth to the park a couple of times and hung out with some neighborhood kids. I got some time to myself while Finley napped to sit and think. I enjoyed my cup of apple juice from the kitchen table while keeping an eye on my growing children at the park. 

In the late afternoon we took blankets out to the yard and admired the beauty around us. It was a perfect day with blue skies and a slight breeze. It was fun to just lay out on the lawn with them and listen to their stories and insights and questions. Life is so exciting when you're a kid! Everything is new and fun.

We finished off the night making homemade pizza's. Daddy got home a bit early and helped with the toppings. Our kitchen was filled with laughter and love, just the way I like it. Being a Momma is not always easy, but days like this make it worth it!

Feliz Cinco de Mayo

I love any excuse to celebrate! Today was a super busy day with babysitting and bread making, but I still managed to pull off some Mexican food for dinner. I made up some Mexican Cream Cheese Chicken in the crockpot, and a batch of homemade tortilla's. We wrapped the chicken up with some guacamole, rice, and grated cheese. I always forget how filling these wraps can be! They are so much tastier than store bought, and always worth the extra time! I rolled them out with Finley stuck to my leg and Joseph munching crackers on the counter next to me. Now we get to eat left overs for the next three days!