Lately I have found myself praying for joy on a daily bases. I've been so caught up in the repetitiveness of laundry, cooking, cleaning, diaper changing and nose wiping that I have forgotten the whole purpose behind why I do these things. Instead of doing them out of love, I have found myself doing them grudgingly. I've been so focused on the tough parts of mothering and weighed down with feelings of guilt. I've always had a vision of who I wanted to be as a mother, and each day I find myself falling short. I've been trying to let go, to be more forgiving (of myself), and focus more on the simple things each day. I've been trying to find balance between who I am and being a mom. It's taken a little while but I'm slowly rediscovering the joy of mothering amidst the mundane, every day tasks.
The early mornings are eased by the hugs and kisses on the cheek from my affectionate three year old. He is always found in our bed in the early morning nestled in next to me waiting for me to make breakfast. Some mornings he falls back to sleep as I rub his cold legs and scratch his back lightly.
I struggle for patience as we go through the morning routine, constantly prompting them from one task to the next. We giggle a bit around the breakfast table if everyone is in an agreeable mood. My little girly will give me a hug and call out "Good-bye, Mamma!" as she walks out the door to catch the bus. She has began affectionately calling me "mamma" just recently and it makes me smile.
I have been trying to approach things with more humor. This isn't always easy, especially when you find the carpet (and a few toys) soaked, and the basement door wide open as the boys have a full on water fight with the hose (that isn't supposed to be turned on at 8:00am). After feeling angry, I took a deep breath and got them to help me clean up the mess. I always find myself smiling as I close the door and watch them play.
This morning I found joy in watching my littlest's face as he dumped the block bucket and picked it up over and over again. He was giggling with his brother as they threw blocks in the bucket together. It wasn't long before he put the bucket on his head and busted out some good belly laughs as he stumbled around the play room.
He's getting close to the "terrible two's" and becoming more mischievous by the day. Sometimes when trouble erupts I chuckle and remind myself about all of the things we've survived in the past (toys in the toilet, oil all over the kitchen floor, phones in the bath). So when I find him and half of the playroom covered in lotion, I can't help but roll my eyes and laugh at the grin on his face as lotion oozes between his toes.
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| Is There Something on my Back by Caitlin Connolly |
I struggle for patience as we go through the morning routine, constantly prompting them from one task to the next. We giggle a bit around the breakfast table if everyone is in an agreeable mood. My little girly will give me a hug and call out "Good-bye, Mamma!" as she walks out the door to catch the bus. She has began affectionately calling me "mamma" just recently and it makes me smile.
I have been trying to approach things with more humor. This isn't always easy, especially when you find the carpet (and a few toys) soaked, and the basement door wide open as the boys have a full on water fight with the hose (that isn't supposed to be turned on at 8:00am). After feeling angry, I took a deep breath and got them to help me clean up the mess. I always find myself smiling as I close the door and watch them play.
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| Giving Things Up by Caitlin Connolly |
He's getting close to the "terrible two's" and becoming more mischievous by the day. Sometimes when trouble erupts I chuckle and remind myself about all of the things we've survived in the past (toys in the toilet, oil all over the kitchen floor, phones in the bath). So when I find him and half of the playroom covered in lotion, I can't help but roll my eyes and laugh at the grin on his face as lotion oozes between his toes.
I have found great joy in slowing down and taking extra care using a soft, warm washcloth to wipe my toddler's hands and face. There is something about cupping a child's hand in mine that warms my heart and connects us together. I could have rushed to clean him up, but today I waited for the water to get nice and warm, and took care in wiping the watermelon juice off his cheeks. I've found that when I'm able to slow down and relish in the simplicity of things, the joy of mothering begins to swell again in my heart.
This whole week I have made a conscious effort to get down to their level when I speak to them or tell them important things. When they ask me questions I try to look them in the eye and smile before I respond. It gives me a few seconds to collect myself or work through frustrating feelings so that I can respond a little more rationally. I have tried to say "yes" more to the simple questions about what they'd like for snack, or where they'd like to go next. Responding with a smile increases the love in our home and usually helps them listen better, too!
When I find myself working in the kitchen while my toddler weaves in and around my legs over and over, throwing my balance and testing my patience, I just go with it. Because when he looks up at me with his huge grin and snot bubbles hanging from his nose I can't help but let out a laugh. If I find myself feeling blah during the day, I try to laugh as much as I can.
When I let them, my kids help me to let go of the "serious" nature of being an adult and enjoy a really good laugh. Just the other day the kids started calling each other funny names at the dinner table. Usually I'd remind them about table manners, but today I let it go. "You're a turkey!" one would say. "Your a silly goose!" they would all laugh. And then our goofiest boy piped in, "And I'm a BUTT....A pain in the butt!" Mike and I looked at each other and burst out laughing, it couldn't be helped. If that boy can find any excuse to use a "potty" word, he will!
When I let them, my kids help me to let go of the "serious" nature of being an adult and enjoy a really good laugh. Just the other day the kids started calling each other funny names at the dinner table. Usually I'd remind them about table manners, but today I let it go. "You're a turkey!" one would say. "Your a silly goose!" they would all laugh. And then our goofiest boy piped in, "And I'm a BUTT....A pain in the butt!" Mike and I looked at each other and burst out laughing, it couldn't be helped. If that boy can find any excuse to use a "potty" word, he will!
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| Mother Protecting by Caitlin Connolly |
As the Summer approaches I have removed my watch and let the days go as we please. We still begin our bedtime routines fairly early, but if I don't have a watch to look at I am able to more fully enjoy the children. They like it when I'm more present instead of wondering when I can get to the dishes or have some time to myself. My not so little girl has been picking out chapter books from the library, levels far above what she reads in class. She struggles through a few words, but for the most part does amazing. She comprehends what she is reading and loves the longer story lines. She's a lot of fun to tuck in lately and I'm loving her goofy side. It's so fun when she gets my jokes!
Recently I've discovered that mothers have many unseen talents such as Reaching under a folded blanket on the bed to find a lost library book, like I knew it was there the whole time. It really is simple things like this that help me feel satisfied as a mother.
Without fail, my oldest will always comes upstairs around 8:00 for a bed time snack, after I've tucked her in for the night. One night she came up with a tummy ache and said, "I prayed about it and Heavenly Father said I need to eat an apple." She was so worried about throwing up on this particular night that she asked her Daddy for a priesthood blessing before tucking back into her bed for the night. I love the way my children teach me about faith each day.
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| She Stood with her Burdens Placed Beneath her Feet by Caitlin Connolly |
"The demands on her were many and her tasks often repetitive and mundane, yet underneath it all was a beautiful serenity, a sense of being about God's work."
-D. Todd Christofferson
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