Surviving

One too many times this month my darling husband has come home after a long day at work and asked, "How are you sweetie?" And I respond, "Surviving..." with a forced smile and slight sigh, sometimes choking back tears from an exhausting day of mothering.

sur·vive
 (sər-vīv′)

v. sur·vived, sur·viv·ing, sur·vives

v.intr.

1. To remain alive or in existence.

2. To carry on despite hardships or trauma;

I have been fighting with baby blues for a few months now. I've experienced many blah days and mornings filled with tears, much pondering, feelings of inadequacy, and frustration. Finding joy has become a daily struggle and a top priority on my to-do list. My house is totally in chaos with dirty dishes lining my counter tops and loads of unfolded laundry sitting in baskets in the hall upstairs. I struggle to find time to do school with Camilla because the children play so well together all day and the weather is getting nicer. There have been many times where I've gone to bed at night worrying that I didn't spend enough time with one child or another. Lots of the time I just feel frustrated at the fact that I can't pinpoint where this blah feeling is coming from. Most days my biggest accomplishment is making sure that bellies are full and hugs and kisses have been given more often than not. I am totally in survival mode.

I hate the feeling of just floating through life trying to make it through each day without crying, or getting upset over silly things, or feeling guilty about some mothering woe or another. I find myself cranky when my three year old still wants to be spoon fed his dinner some nights or when we have to play a really long game of I Spy to get someone to eat just a few bites. I let out long sighs when dishes fall off the table and break. And most of the time I have a love-hate relationship with bedtime.

I want so badly to be present each day, to see my children for the amazing little people they are and to give them my full and undivided attention. Sometimes when I am in a grump and they tug at my shirt, or tap on my arm, or hang off my leg begging me to watch them do something or other I don't quite connect with them. Sometimes it's a quick glance when someone says, "Mom! Watch this!" and sometimes I don't fully register the significance of the moment when I just want to get the dishes done or the counters wiped.

I have recently come to the realization that motherhood is so much better when time doesn't exist. We are so much happier when we are not on a schedule, or rushing out the door when there's really no need to rush. Life goes much more smoothly when I just step back, take a deep breath and forget about what time it is and what we should be doing. It's when we take long walks and Camilla goes, "This is the best day ever! Thank-you, thank-you Mommy for taking us on a great walk!" that I feel most fulfilled. Bedtime is much happier when I'm not being a drill sergeant about brushing teeth and getting jammies on just to make an imaginary time crunch. When I forget about time and what I want to do I usually listen to that little girl who wants me to read one more page of "Little House on the Prairie". When I'm not in a hurry I take the time to kiss the boys goodnight a million times just to hear them giggle. When I'm not rushed I cry tears of gratitude and joy as I curl up next to my children in their beds and gaze on their little faces wondering who they are going to become. 

Thank goodness I have a great support system and a loving Heavenly Father who hears my prayers and woes and sends awesome friends to steal the big kids away to the park for a few hours, or bring a meal by, or call to check in. I know that we will make it through this lull soon. As the snow melts away and the seasons are changing, I'm finding my spirits are lifting and changing too. 

Happy Pi Day

Today we celebrated Pi day, although this year it was even better because π=3.1415... This only happens once in a century! 

Happy Pi day from us to you!

(Don't mind Joe, he missed his nap today)

A Father's Role

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families."

-The Family: A Proclamation to the World 


You can watch one of my favorite videos on Fathers HERE

I am super grateful for that Mr. Stannix of mine and all he does for us each day!

Quiet Time

This time change has been a doozy. My children sleep a full night and still wake up with black circles under their eyes. They are tired and grumpy. I am tired and grumpy. This afternoon I instituted quiet time and they ALL fell asleep. I even got in a little snooze before Finley needed to be fed again. Now I feel like I may be able to survive the rest of my week and the weekend without Daddy.  I sure do love their sleeping faces!

1:18pm 

 

1:19pm

 

1:22pm 

1:24pm

Piggybacks for Everyone

I've had a pretty sweet gift card to toys R us sitting in my wallet for a while now. I've been thinking about getting an Ergo because being a Mommy to four kids when you're out and about is hard and I'm envisioning many outdoor adventures this summer. Today I saw that the Ergo's were on sale and I bit the bullet and purchased it. I used it immediately after to grab some groceries and it was bliss. Finley slept in his carseat inside the cart, Hyrum rode in the seat, Camilla jumped on the end and my busiest child was happily strapped to my back running his sticky fingers through my hair. All afternoon the kids took turns riding in it while I did house work. I loved having them close to me so much throughout the day. I've never loved a carrier so much in my life! I can't wait to go exploring with it this Summer! 

A Cushy Bottom

 After a few years I caved and finally bought a few new cloth diapers. Some of the diapers I've been using are from Camilla and the elastics on the legs are starting to wear and leak. I am happy with how long they have lasted, but to really enjoy cloth diapering ya need a good diaper. A few weeks ago I went to visit Melody to grab a teething necklace for Joe and I fell in love with these smart bottoms cloth diapers. If you're in the market for some new cloth diapers you should check out her awesome store. Make sure you tell her I sent you!

 I had to get Finley to model them for me because I am in love with them and his little baby chub.

I can't believe how fast time is flying by with this sweet boy.

Lessons in Mud

 It was a warm Spring like afternoon when I let the kids out into the backyard to play. The snow had all but melted leaving ice and puddles everywhere. I was busy nursing Finley in the front room when I heard shrieking and uncontrollable giggling coming from the backyard. I quickly finished up and place my sleeping baby in his little rocking chair. I went out to find the older two children having a mud fight in the garden. I may have let out a little chuckle before my blood started to boil. It had been a rough morning and I had spent most of our Saturday trying to get the house back in order by vacuuming and folding endless loads of laundry. I was already feeling overwhelmed and the thought of washing one more thing infuriated me. I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry at this point. Thankfully when I opened the door I heard our neighbor shoveling off his deck which gave me the few seconds I needed to collect myself and deal with the situation without raising my voice. My first instinct was to scold and be angry and make them come inside but that really wasn't fun for anybody. It made me feel like a horrible mother for not letting them have fun and it made them feel badly when they really weren't doing anything wrong. If you ask my mother I'm pretty sure I've had my fair share of playing in the mud.

After apologizing for being upset with them I decided to grab my camera and let them go at it. And ya know what? I may have even laughed and had a bit of fun myself. It wasn't long before my arms were splattered with specks of mud, but seeing the smiles on their faces made it worth it. I want my children to be able to experience childhood to it's fullest. I want them to be able to explore, make mistakes, get messy, and have fun. Sometimes it's super hard to live in the moment and suppress the anger that comes from thinking about the mess and how I'm going to clean it up or if their behavior is acceptable. But then I go back to this post on discipline and those three important questions echo in my mind. Am I asking them to stop out of annoyance? Is it hurting anyone? Will this negatively affect their future? When I remember these three questions I act more out of love than I do out of emotion and it really makes our home a happier place. It's going to take me a long time to become perfect at this though, it's hard.

After they had their fill of mud, I ran them a nice warm bath and let them play in it in their swim suits. In the end we were all a lot happier (and I didn't have to bath them before bed)! A fun and messy afternoon had by all!

Little Grins

 Finley got to wear a cute little onsie that he got from my cousin to church today. He was looking mighty handsome. I adore this little guy and his little grins! He is such a happy baby.

Galaxy Land

 I don't know if we've mentioned it here on the blog yet, but Mr. Stannix has recently changed jobs! It was a tough decision being that he was happy with where he was at, but it's something he felt impressed to do. He is really enjoying it so far! But that's a whole other story for another day. The company he is currently working for rents out Galaxy land once a year for customers and employees. It was a great night even though the littles were a bit tired. 

 Joseph is our little thrill seeker and loved these fast planes! At first, I held him back and just let Hyrum go because I was worried he would try to jump out when they were spinning around, but he did so great and loved every minute!

 This car ride was a definite favorite for both boys. 

 I was glad to spend the night with this handsome guy of mine!

 

Our cautious Camilla took a lot of convincing to ride on anything. She was terrified to go on this kids train, but then realized how fun it was and begged us to go again before we left.

 

She had also been looking forward to the carousal all night long and chickened out last minute, so daddy ended up taking just the boys. It was Hyrum's favorite ride of the whole night. By the time we left it was WAY past bedtime and everyone fell asleep before we even left the parkade. Thanks for the fun Liberty! 

The Light Switch

 My day today started bright and early when Joseph decided to bring a stool into everyone's room and flick on the lights. His tummy just couldn't wait any longer and he figured this was the best way to get everybody up and at 'em. For all of the "trouble" he causes, my heart still overflows with love for him. He really is a sweet boy who sometimes lets his curiosity get the best of him. When I was feeding Finley this morning he came into the room and asked, "Where's baby win-wee mom? I hold him in a minute?" His concern for his baby brother melts my heart.

 In the early morning Finley had a snooze in his crib while the morning rays poured through the window. Just before I left the room, I couldn't help but snap a picture. It was so beautiful and peaceful. I paused to soak in the moment knowing it would help me through the rest of my day.

 

I came downstairs to a curious little boy thirsty for milk. Once he was satisfied we had some craft time.

 

Hyrum and I made up this little leprechaun who apparently likes to dance. 

Camilla crafted up a hat to wear on St. Patty's day and a leprechaun of her own.

 

 

The two of them have been having a blast with these paper leprechauns. They dance the jig, cross their legs and float in the clouds and are best friends. Camilla snapped a few pictures of them on my camera. 

Finley and Joseph have alternated nap times today. It's been nice to have only three children at a time to deal with for the most part. It makes for more story time and one on one moments. For the past few mornings I have been praying to feel more joy and recognize special moments with the children as I go about my day. Those prayers have been answered countless times and I am so glad for the little pick-me-ups that my children give me each day! I feel like somebody has flicked a switch and made my mothering trials a tad easier to bear. I am so grateful for the power of prayer.