Looking Out

I love hanging out with this boy.

We spent a few minutes this morning watching Daddy shovel snow. 

Joe is constantly trying to climb or pull himself up on something.

He is a very busy boy!

Warming Up

I love how in the freezing cold of Winter, the suns rays still feel warm on your face. The other day Joseph and I soaked up some rays. I snapped a picture of him smiling, but caught a sneeze instead! The littles are all anxiously awaiting Summer and all that comes with it!

Good Things to Come

Tonight we had the privilege of feeding the missionaries. The littles provided much of the evening entertainment with Hyrum smooching Camilla and them laughing and giggling up a storm. Sometimes I wish I could record our dinner conversations because they always get me laughing! After dinner each child politely asked to be excused and they made their way downstairs. Before the missionaries left, they shared a message that really hit home for me. It was exactly the message I needed to hear and be reminded of. It gave me both comfort and hope. I cried through the last minute or so of this video, so grab a tissue!

"In that imaginary instant, I couldn’t help calling out to him: “Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead.” Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."

-Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Another Big Kid

I think it's safe to say that Mr. H is officially potty trained.

He now tells me when he needs to go, even though his dance gives it away.

Today was the first day totally accident free.

He's pretty proud of himself.

Though if anyone calls them "underwear" he will quickly tell you they are "undies".

Please tell me I'm not the only one with a toilet paper roll that looks like that?

T-T-Today

 Some little moments from our day today...

 

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Our recent battle with stairs is coming to a close. Rather than non-stop climbing, Joe has decided that he prefers sitting on the first step and observing the happenings in the home. Like the children before him, he does this with one sock on and one sock off.

CA Ball

Today we were privileged to attend Mike's CA Grad. It was a full and busy day that I will document more later. After the Graduation we rushed home to see our littles briefly and change for the evening. I scored my dress very last minute while out shopping with my sister. It's so hard to find something modest and reasonably priced here in the City. This one was the last one on the rack, fit me perfectly, and I paid pretty much half price for it! We also ended up scoring an awesome half tee that fit perfectly under the lacy top. It looks better in real life than it does in the picture. You can't tell, but it has a small number of sequins sewn all over. Then came a speedy up-do with the ten bobbypins I could find and we were set! Mike didn't need to do much, he's pretty handsome already!

The CA Ball was held at the Shaw Conference Center and the decorations were beautiful! I was glad we arrived early and were first at our table. It was nice to look out on the mostly empty room and admire the lights, center pieces and table settings.

I've never really taken pictures of the tables before at these kind of things because I always feel silly doing it infront of other people, but since we were the only ones at our table at the time, I couldn't resist! On the menu for the evening was delicious warm buns with different kinds of whipped butter to start. Next, a Charcuterie plate. For the main course we had Chicken Supreme Coq au Vin and Beef Tenderloin with Mousseline Potato and Seasonal Vegetables. Dessert was either Dark chocolate salted caramel chocolate bar, with espresso ice cream and strawberry gel OR Trio of fruit sorbets coconut cake, rum pineapple salsa and passion fruit beurre blanc. I always like reading what is on the menu and seeing how delicately simple things really are.

Before dinner even began they had a brief introduction and piped in the Grads. I always love the sound of the bag pipes, it makes me want to move to Scotland! I couldn't find Mike in the two lines of Grads because they were coming from different directions, but it was fun to see everyone parade by.

It was great to be out with Mr. Stannix and not be worried about the littles. I love that guy and am so proud of his accomplishments.

After dinner we mingled and explored. We spent a lot of time chatting with his friends that studied with him all summer and work with him at the office.

We only managed one good shot of the two of us the entire evening together. We were too busy talking to everyone. Man, Mr. Stannix is a handsome guy!

The Ball portion wasn't quite what I was expecting (it was more just loud music and lots of club dancing). We ended up leaving shortly before 11:00PM. I was super looking forward to dancing with my handsome man, but there was no spinning or dipping music played. Sometimes I wish I was born 100 years ago where there was formalities and more social dancing. As we left the event, snowflakes were gently falling to the ground. We looked out on the city as we walked to the car and admired the changing lights of the pyramids. On the way home we slid by 7-11 for today's paper to grab a copy of Mr. Stannix's picture in the business section.

On the way home we drove by our old house. The light was on in the kids old bedroom and the same curtains hung in the window. We laughed and reminisced as we drove. Both of us still felt a small bit of sadness and gratitude for that little old house and the memories it holds. We've come so far together, and I'm looking forward to many years ahead!

A Breakthrough

I have always loved to write in my journal. It's a habit that formed while sitting at my mothers feet before I could write, dictating to her the happenings of my day as she rocked in her rocking chair and recorded them in a little note book. Whenever I read back on that book I always laugh because each page starts with, "Today was a good day..." or "Today was a bad day..." As I've grown, struggled with trials, worked my way through friendships and hardships, celebrated successes and accomplished my dreams I have always written my thoughts carefully in books which are now packed away in my closet. Since it's easier to type than to handwrite, bear with me while I relate some recent thoughts and feelings from this week.

My house is quiet, as it usually is mid afternoon while the boys nap and Camilla crafts and creates. Joseph took a long time to fall asleep today and babbled for a good hour in his crib (probably dirtying his diaper as he does each and every afternoon) before silence could be heard on the baby monitor. Camilla and I created some fun decorations and put hearts up for the upcoming month. It's always fun spending time with her and hearing her stories. My two biggest accomplishments so far include three sparkly clean bathrooms and bread dough rising on the counter. And even though my kitchen is currently a mess and I'm still not sure what we're having for dinner, I don't so much mind because my children are happy.

This week has been sort of really hard for me. I have been feeling pretty down and been super hard on myself. I can't remember the last time I really loved myself or was happy with something that I'd done. I'm having a hard time feeling like a good mother, and still placing blame on myself for the loss of our baby. The other night Camilla sweetly prayed, "Please help Mamma's baby to grow back". Grief is such a hard hard thing to overcome, and right now I feel like I'm drowning in it. Tears still well up in my eyes when I whisper in my children's ears how much I love them, but happy tears are good. And then I've had moments where I just plop myself down on the floor in front of the kitchen sink, while I hug Joe tightly and cry until I can't anymore. I've fallen into a trap of comparing myself to others and thinking, surely so and so never yells at their child! I think I've barricaded myself at home for too long and I'm starting to feel lonely. I've lucked into some great afternoon naps snuggled up in Camilla's bed with the two older kids, but it just shows that my motivation seems to be lost and I'm having a hard time finding it. Yesterday a sweet friend brought by a "box of love" filled with treats, pink lemonade, socks and other cozy things. It totally made my day and improved my mood. I was able to clean my kitchen and tidy up the house for my dear Mr. Stannix before he arrived home.

Luckily, life isn't all bad. We've had an awesome breakthrough in potty training Hyrum and I haven't changed a dirty diaper of his in three whole days. We still have accidents every day, but with the progress we've made I'm determined to stick with it whatever my mood. I love the way he dances after he's used the potty. He's always so so proud of himself. We have a deal right now that he gets a bowl of ice cream for a number two. One of my favorite things as of late is his, "Yes Mudder". The other day I let out a giggle after he said it. He smirked and a small laugh escaped while he explained, "I can't say Mudder, just Mommy..." I need to record it so I can smile at it down the road when he can pronounce my name.

Overall we are doing alright here in the Stannix home. We just have a few rough days here and there and some hard Mommy moments with patience being stretched between three energetic littles. I'm so grateful for good friends, a wonderful husband, and the Gospel. Without a knowledge of my Savior and the atonement, this trial might be unbearably difficult. I've had the opportunity to read through old conference talks and be uplifted by the words of prophets and apostles.

"My dear sisters, as you live your daily life with all its blessings and challenges, let me assure you that the Lord loves you. He knows you. He listens to your prayers, and He answers those prayers, wherever on this world you may be. He wants you to succeed in this life and in eternity."

~President Dieter F.Uchtdorf

One of my friends came for a visit the other day, and as I related how I was feeling she reminded me that the Lord loves me, and knows me. I always like visiting with her, because she always seems to know exactly what to say. She also reminded me of this little tid bit from a favorite talk of mine.

"I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect. Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not. And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. It’s wonderful that you have strengths. And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses... In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. Like the forget-me-nots, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him."

~President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

And so we press forward. Taking on each day one at a time and trying not to have too high of expectations. If all I've accomplished in a day is making my children happy, that should count for something.... right? Their smiles and funny way with words keep me going each day. There is no other job I would rather be doing right now!

A Giraffe Fettish

 Camilla has been drawing giraffes lately. They are super cute! I need to scan some more of her awesome drawings to put in our books. I love hanging them on my fridge! It's so fun to watch her work grow and change with her. She is getting so so big! She's so heavy I can hardly lift her now! She talks nonstop and makes great conversation with anyone she meets. She is definitely a little social butterfly! 

Meet Boogley and Spot.

Sleepy Giggles

 It's been a productive morning already! I started some bread dough early this morning when Joe woke up and just pulled it out of the oven. Warm bread and butter makes the best morning snack. The littles and I rocked out in the kitchen to this song. It's got a really great beat and always gets everyone dancing. Joseph still takes a morning nap and as long as he keeps sleeping so well at night, I'm going to hold onto them! I love putting him to sleep.

We snuggle on the bed for a bit while he drinks a morning bottle.

Then I smooch him, nibble his cheeks and make him giggle.

Then we both laugh for a few minutes before I tuck him into the crib. It's probably my favorite part of the whole morning!