This week I will be thirty-nine weeks along with this girly and we are so excited to meet her! Every time we add another child to our family I am simultaneously filled with feelings of inadequacy, and confidence. While I never doubt the decision itself, there are crazy days where I doubt whether or not I'll be able to juggle another child. Typically these worries are eased shortly after birth, and the new babe falls right into the mix and commotion of our home perfectly well.
As we anticipate this one's arrival, our home has been a little more chaotic than usual. While I've been a boy mom for a long time, I am still learning every day what is "normal boy behavior" and what I should be getting on their case about. Lately our days have been one giant wrestling match and they can't seem to keep their hands to themselves. Most of the time it's for fun, but sometimes it is not. There was even an incident where two of the boys were upset and began chasing each other around the yard waving hockey sticks in the air. I honestly thought one of them might kill the other. I'll never understand why boys have to work their differences out physically. Ha!
Last night we kept the littles up later than usual to enjoy popcorn and a Christmas movie. They still woke this morning before or just after 6:00am. We had enough time for everyone to shower, eat breakfast, and watch the entire Polar Express movie on my bed before it was time to leave. They fought as we headed out the door to church. I endured a lot of attitude from a few older children. The boys were kicking and punching each other on the way to town. I feel like every Sunday I yell the words, "I JUST WANT TO FEEL THE SPIRIT TODAY!" When we finally arrived I separated everyone on the bench. Before the meeting even started someone was kicking another on the bench because somehow, even though we were masked up, he managed to stick his tongue out at this particular child. I felt frazzled before the meeting even began.
Oliver proceeded to moan and groan through a lot of the meeting. The volume of his voice is of no difference to him, and he doesn't care who's listening or watching. Between the younger two I was up and down for most of the meeting, breaking up fights on the bench, anticipating their next move, and using my angry mom eyes when they acted out. After coming back from taking Sawyer out, I noticed Camilla trying to pull something sticky out of Oliver's hair. He started yelling, "OW, OW, OW!" right in the middle of the meeting. I plopped Sawyer on her lap and hauled Oliver out for the 1304948th time wondering how in the heck he got gum stuck in his hair. Turns out an older child found it in the diaper bag and thought it was sticky tack, and when Oliver made them mad they just decided to stick it in his hair. Good grief. As we got ready to leave, they put on their jackets and began punching each other in the back because so and so was in line first and somebody budged and oh my goodness I didn't think we'd make it out of there alive.
As we drove home from church I glanced in my rear view mirror to see Ollie sitting quietly in his booster seat, gum plastered through the left side of his hair. I honestly wasn't sure if it was salvageable, but thankfully with a little pulling and a gentle snip with the scissors, we were able to get it out without completely wrecking his hair cut.
Tonight we enjoyed the Christmas Devotional. It's something I look forward to every year. Unfortunately I spent most of the time distracted by the children as they tumbled on the floor, accidently dumped candy cane popcorn, needed drinks every five minutes, and sat upsidedown on the couch. Perhaps I just need to lower my expectations and let things go, but I'd like to think that they can sit still for at least a half hour. My favorite part of the whole evening was when I had scooped the popcorn into little bowls and Sawyer took it upon himself to grab them off the table and pass them out to everyone while saying their name.
I spent the closing hymn sitting quietly in the play room in front of the glowing Christmas tree with one boy who wouldn't quit fake belching. It was completely distracting for everyone. Tears streamed down my face as I started to feel sorry for myself and incompetent in my abilities as a mother. Surely I've taught them to behave better. How could I help them feel the Spirit of Christmas this year? What more could I do to teach obedience and love? Then my thoughts turned to Christmas and how this devotional usually feels so magical and wonderful. When it ends I usually feel uplifted and giddy for the Christmas season ahead. Instead, I thought about all of the gifts that I carefully thought out this year, purchased, and wrapped for the children. All of our shopping is finished and everything is ready in case baby makes an early arrival. I kept thinking that with all of the extra time I have not worrying about what we are getting the children that I should be able to relax and enjoy a peace filled season. I thought about all of the extra time this has given me to serve others, yet how little opportunity I feel there is to do so, given the pandemic and everything going on. As we quietly sat there, listening to the faint sounds of "Silent Night" coming through the door from my parents home, I was able to feel my Saviors love and approval. Though the road might be difficult, and the days ahead might be filled with little sleep and lots of chaos, I know that I can pray for comfort and He always gives it.
"In a world so much in need of peace, our gentle words, our acts of compassion and kindness can be the means of wrapping another in a warm, swaddling blanket. I have come to understand that the more we act on promptings to serve others, the more heavenly blankets the Lord gives us to share. Our personal, or virtual touch may make all the difference in the life of a loved one, or even a stranger. " ~Becky Craven
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