The old saying, "In like a lion, out like a lamb" definitely rings true this month. The majority of our province has been under a snowfall warning which is expected to start here tonight. And while I'm a little bit done with Winter, there is a small part of me that is looking forward to hunkering down with the littles for the next few days here at home. I've had so many thoughts going through my mind and weighing on my heart over these last couple of weeks, and I feel like I just need a few days to hold my children close, bake up a storm, and enjoy the calm that comes with the yarn running through my fingers as I finish up a blanket I've been working on.
My desire to write is always nagging in the back of my mind and I've been so disappointed in recent posts that have been left wanting for more depth and emotion. Winter has just about sucked everything good out of me, and I am hanging onto the simple pleasures of life as I go about each day. I relish in blue sky mornings, frost covered trees, afternoons spent snuggled up reading to the kids, the smell of baking that fills our home, getting out in the sun when it's warm, and evenings by the fire. These are the little things that are helping me survive until Spring.
Something that has brought me great peace lately is music. I love when Camilla pulls out her violin each morning to practice. She is always plays as the sun wakes up. The pink glow in my livingroom this morning was perfection. Her teacher is wonderful and she is learning so much. Between her violin and the boys playing piano, our home is always filled with music. When I get a few minutes in the morning I love to play the piano myself and let the emotion flow right out the ends of my fingers. Music has always been a source of relief and peace for me.
I've been borderline cranky this week and super short on patience. Sometimes I wonder if its because my expectations are too high. Are the kids really being more terrible than usual, or am I just more moody and sensitive? It's probably the latter (coupled with the fact that there's a full moon this weekend)...My mind feels so unfocused lately, so I've been trying to set some goals for myself to help with that and take my mind of other less important things. This afternoon we cooked up some happiness in the kitchen. I grabbed the brightest bowl I could find (yellow is such a happy color) and got Joe to help me make up some lemon pie filling and cream puffs. "I'm going to be such a good baker when I grow up," he said as he stirred. The kids were super excited about it when they got home from school (I may have eaten five...darn stress eating). Boy can those boys eat though! Hyrum polished off four waffles the other morning at breakfast. I couldn't help but stare wide-eyed in disbelief across the counter as he polished off his last few bites.
Finley asked me today on our way into the city if I loved Moana. It's his very favorite show. I told him I did and then he responded, "Oh. Well. I don't love Maui, I JUST love YOU!" He is the sweetest kid ever. I wrote it down on my phone to bring me a smile when I need it.
Goodness, this mothering gig is hard, and rewarding, and intense, and chaotic, and sometimes super lonely. But it's taught me so much about myself, who I am, and what I can handle. The joys of motherhood come in waves. Some days I experience the highest highs and other days the lowest of lows. The trick is not to let those lows swallow you up. I'm slowly learning how to resurface quicker when the waves of life knock me down. Most of the time it's by focusing on the little, every day joys and the things that matter most.
"As mother, teacher, or nurturing saint, she molds living clay to the shape of her hopes. In partnership with God, her divine mission is to help spirits live and souls be lifted. This is the measure of her creation. It is ennobling, edifying, and exalting." ~Russell M. Nelson
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