Today began at the early hour of 5:00am when both of the little boys decided to throw an early morning tantrum. I woke puffy eyed from falling asleep with the weight of motherhood on my shoulders. After working pretty much around the clock, our house is only ever semi-tidy, and the dishes are never completely done. It's hard to go through an entire day without and thanks or recognition for all of the things a mother juggles. This job pays in hugs and kisses, and the bonus is when someone remembers to put the toilet seat down or actually hits the laundry basket when they take off their clothes at days end. I couldn't help dwelling on the fact that Summer is already half over and it hasn't been quite what I envisioned. I had big plans for a few hours of "mommy school" each morning that kind of got pushed to the side. I had hopes of going on a few outings with the children. Instead, I am in survival mode as I finish up this third trimester of pregnancy, and try to keep up with house work. The children don't notice as they happily run off to the park, jump on the trampoline in the yard, or play with their toys.
My first week back in the trenches of motherhood has been both rewarding and exhausting. At weeks end I am feeling emotionally drained and sore. I won't tell you about the time that I found an eatmore bar while cleaning off a shelf and hid in my laundry room to eat it as fast as humanly possible so I wouldn't have to share (yes, my jaw hurt after that chewy bar in case anyone was wondering).
I laughed with Mr. Stannix a few nights ago about how Finley is the only kid who doesn't find his way to our bed in the middle of the night like the others frequently did at his age. I think I spoke too soon, because the last couple of nights we've had a squirmy toddler in our bed more than once. He maneuvers his body to fit in any spare nook or cranny around my baby bump and cuddles in close. While I enjoy the extra snuggles, my nights have not been the most restful.
I let myself be cranky for a good hour this morning and then I decided to take the littles to a field and grab some pictures before the harvest. Their mood is almost directly dependent on mine, and I found them to be more agreeable after I willed myself to have more patience and pulled them close for morning hugs. The sun was up and bright and the sky was blue. We left the house before 8:00am and drove a short distance to a field I've had my eye on. Minus a few pesky mosquitoes, they had a lot of fun taking pictures together and saying "cheese" a ridiculous amount of times. Before going home we hit up the grocery store for some fruit and milk and the littles each scored a helium balloon from the rodeo festivities in the parking lot.
When we got home, Finley helped me put away the groceries like he always does. He hadn't quite finished his cup of orange juice when he reached in to the tote to pick out something for me and as he tipped over, so did his cup. I turned around to find the strawberries sitting a puddle of orange juice. I let out a heavy sigh as I mopped it up with paper towel and tried to stay cheery as we finished our job.
Once we finished I turned on some feel good music and cleared some space on the counter. They each pushed a chair up to help me make a giant batch of my gramma's oatmeal coconut cookies as we danced and sang. After rolling a million cookies, they were happy to finally eat a few. I may have just called that our lunch and went ahead with my to-do list. While they played I swept the floor for the first time in a couple of days and made a pile big enough to feed a small army. It always amazes me how much stuff I find on my kitchen floor.
But when I look back on my week, it has been filled with lots of wonderful moments sandwiched in with the hard stuff. The children are learning that Mommy can't bend down pretty much at all and have been champs at putting their shoes away in the closet. One time Camilla forgot and Hyrum went ahead and picked hers up along with his and it totally warmed my heart. I dread doing laundry as I almost have to grunt just to reach the freshly dried clothes from the dark cave that is my dryer. Finley is quick to help and even though it takes twice as long, I am grateful.
I have been enjoying listening to Finley build his vocabulary. There are a few things he says now that are easy to understand and super adorable. I wish he could stay this age forever. I love when he tries to boss around our puppy, Tucker and yells, "No Dugger!" over and over again. The other day I watched him build block towers over and over again and exclaim, "Awww maaaaaaaa!" (aw man) each time it fell over. He has picked up on when the older kids ask or tell us things and quite often in the van he will say, "Daddy...?" over and over again until he responds, "Yes, Finley?" After the hundredth time it can get pretty tiring.
On our way home from the park to make lunch I asked the kids if they wanted macaroni and cheese and Joe said, "I don't want cheese, just macaroni. Okay Mom?" I couldn't help but chuckle. That same day he also frequently said, "Mommy... imagine if...." and finished it with something funny like, "you were this tall and...." or "if I had a broken finger and had to do...."
Finley has started playing at my feet more as I make dinner or bake bread. The other day I wound up his little toy car at least a million times because he was so sweet when he asked and it made him so happy to watch it go. I laughed as I would stir the dinner, wind up the car, wash a dish, wind up the car, wipe a counter, wind up a car.....
Our neighbors asked us to pick their raspberries while they're away and I finally got around to it last night just as a storm was rolling in. As I walked over sans kids, I breathed in the air and could almost taste the rain. I picked under a black sky as the thunder rumbled and rain threatened. If there's one thing I've learned about berry picking, it's that you find the best ones when you get down and look up. The biggest, juiciest berries hide under the leaves and are seen better when you look up. I feel like life is the same way. As I remember to get down on my knees and look up to Heavenly Father, I find it easier to recognize the blessings in my life and things always look brighter.
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