It's been a long day and I am more than ready to fall into bed and sleep for twelve hours straight (or even three). There's baby drool and snot all over my clothes and a brown spot on my pants which could either be a smear of ginger cookie or something else. Nights have been long lately with a three year old who somehow always ends up in our bed, and a little one who is currently cutting his twelve month molars. Yikes. Throw in the odd middle of the night sheet change, walking the halls to sooth the baby, and you have my last two weeks.
Last night I fell asleep feeling incredibly lonely and unfulfilled. I had spent my day doing dishes, baking treats and bread, tidying over and over again, running errands, picking up dry cleaning, navigating grocery stores with the littles and craving adult conversation. Mr. Stannix is in the heat of busy season and hasn't been getting home until late. I'm still trying to kick this awful cold that has caused me to lose my voice and feel achy all day (which I probably got from being over tired), and I'm exhausted. It doesn't matter how much I clean throughout the day, the dishes still end up in the sink shortly after I've finished and paper clippings magically reappear on the floor under the craft table.
Being a mother is a non-stop job and I've come to discover one qualification for motherhood is the ability to move from one task to the next without actually completing anything. The laundry never gets completely folded before someone calls for lunch. The dishes are never really finished because you have to pause for a diaper change or homework help. And our basement will never be completely tidy. It's a good thing I'm a just-roll-with-it kinda girl or I'm sure I'd be insane by now.
I kind of lost it one night last week. We had just come to the witching hour after a hairy day where no one seemed to be getting along. I started dinner while Finley opened doors and drawers in the kitchen spilling tupperware all over the floor and unfolding my dish towels. He would open the door to the garbage and slowly reach his hand in for the prized empty yogurt container like it was a rare treasure. I stirred spaghetti sauce and alternated holding the drawer shut with my right foot and the door to the garbage shut with my left as Finley whizzed back and forth giggling hysterically at my frustration. Eventually I put up the baby gate and gave him free range on the bedrooms. I heard him emptying his drawers and imagined the pile of unfolded clothes that was now covering his floor, but I didn't even care because I needed a few minutes of sanity. Camilla asked what's for dinner and I quickly responded. "Guess what's for dinner!?" she shouted to the boys, "Spaghettiiiiii! And the crowd goes WILD!" And wild they were. After about the hundredth complaint I had grown tired of who hit who first and ended up chucking my wooden spoon at the stove (hard enough that I had to wipe sauce off my cupboards, microwave, and the ceiling later). Some days are just plain rough! As we read scriptures that night Camilla plunked down beside me and put her arm around me tenderly, knowing I had a rough day. Her thoughtfulness amazes me!
I kind of lost it one night last week. We had just come to the witching hour after a hairy day where no one seemed to be getting along. I started dinner while Finley opened doors and drawers in the kitchen spilling tupperware all over the floor and unfolding my dish towels. He would open the door to the garbage and slowly reach his hand in for the prized empty yogurt container like it was a rare treasure. I stirred spaghetti sauce and alternated holding the drawer shut with my right foot and the door to the garbage shut with my left as Finley whizzed back and forth giggling hysterically at my frustration. Eventually I put up the baby gate and gave him free range on the bedrooms. I heard him emptying his drawers and imagined the pile of unfolded clothes that was now covering his floor, but I didn't even care because I needed a few minutes of sanity. Camilla asked what's for dinner and I quickly responded. "Guess what's for dinner!?" she shouted to the boys, "Spaghettiiiiii! And the crowd goes WILD!" And wild they were. After about the hundredth complaint I had grown tired of who hit who first and ended up chucking my wooden spoon at the stove (hard enough that I had to wipe sauce off my cupboards, microwave, and the ceiling later). Some days are just plain rough! As we read scriptures that night Camilla plunked down beside me and put her arm around me tenderly, knowing I had a rough day. Her thoughtfulness amazes me!
I always search for special moments throughout my day to keep me going until bedtime. Last week I baked cinnamon buns and timed them so that they would come out of the oven just as our favorite sister got off the bus. The door flew open as she bobbed into the house. "Cinnamon buns!" she exclaimed, "My nose knows!" They all gathered around the kitchen table and enjoyed their warm cinnamon buns as they discussed their days and plans for play. At that moment, my mother heart smiled.
The boys are a lot of fun these days! As I draw things for them or play with them I hear Hyrum say, "Mom, you're a genius!" Joseph echos his older brother, "Yeah, you're a geen-yus!"
Finley has picked up a lot of hilarious things lately and often watching his older siblings and copies them. I picked Camilla up from school today and shouted to the backseat, "Do you guys want a smoothie when we get home?" "YEAHH!" they all shouted in unison. A second later Finley turned his head towards me and echoed, "EAHHH!!!" The kids thought it was so hilarious they made me ask them three more times just to hear him copy them again. When we got home I mixed up a delicious smoothie with an avocado and a huge handful of spinach snuck in for good measure.
One afternoon I heard the two little boys giggling in the bathroom and came in to find Finley splashing around in the toilet while Joseph giggled in the corner. I let out a small sigh and pursed my lips as the corners curled up into a small smile. Little boys and toilets is an all too familiar thing in our house.
When I change Finley's bum Hyrum wraps his arms around my neck from behind and gives me a piggy-back hug. I sure love that tender boy of mine.
The boys are a lot of fun these days! As I draw things for them or play with them I hear Hyrum say, "Mom, you're a genius!" Joseph echos his older brother, "Yeah, you're a geen-yus!"
Finley has picked up a lot of hilarious things lately and often watching his older siblings and copies them. I picked Camilla up from school today and shouted to the backseat, "Do you guys want a smoothie when we get home?" "YEAHH!" they all shouted in unison. A second later Finley turned his head towards me and echoed, "EAHHH!!!" The kids thought it was so hilarious they made me ask them three more times just to hear him copy them again. When we got home I mixed up a delicious smoothie with an avocado and a huge handful of spinach snuck in for good measure.
One afternoon I heard the two little boys giggling in the bathroom and came in to find Finley splashing around in the toilet while Joseph giggled in the corner. I let out a small sigh and pursed my lips as the corners curled up into a small smile. Little boys and toilets is an all too familiar thing in our house.
When I change Finley's bum Hyrum wraps his arms around my neck from behind and gives me a piggy-back hug. I sure love that tender boy of mine.
Camilla's been really into making bracelets for her friends at school. The other day she gave one to a girl that she's been having a hard time with. After the kids were in bed I opened up her agenda and found a little folded card tucked into the front pocket. It was written by this little girl and I was so proud of Camilla I could have cried! The note read 'To Camilla. You are my best frend. Theincyoo for the braslit' and finished by signing her name. I was so glad that Camilla had decided to be nice to this girl even though she wasn't being nice to her. Things are now much better between them. I think this little girl just needed a friend.
It amazes me how much children can teach us. Whenever I'm feeling lonely I just have to remind myself of the love that surrounds me each day as I go about my motherly duties. These short people are the only one's who can drive me totally crazy and fill me with so much love all in the same breath. My heart aches for them as I fall asleep at night thinking about all of the things they are going to face in this crazy world. They are growing so fast and I am enjoying life as we roll into this next phase. I love that they catch my jokes and laugh at some of the same things I do. I have to constantly remind myself to relax and just enjoy.
I love the Family Circus cartoon by Bil Keane where a mother of four is asked, "How do you divide your love between four children?" and she replies, "I don't divide it. I multiply it." Even on really hard days such as these, I believe this answer entirely.
It amazes me how much children can teach us. Whenever I'm feeling lonely I just have to remind myself of the love that surrounds me each day as I go about my motherly duties. These short people are the only one's who can drive me totally crazy and fill me with so much love all in the same breath. My heart aches for them as I fall asleep at night thinking about all of the things they are going to face in this crazy world. They are growing so fast and I am enjoying life as we roll into this next phase. I love that they catch my jokes and laugh at some of the same things I do. I have to constantly remind myself to relax and just enjoy.
I love the Family Circus cartoon by Bil Keane where a mother of four is asked, "How do you divide your love between four children?" and she replies, "I don't divide it. I multiply it." Even on really hard days such as these, I believe this answer entirely.
1 comments:
Aw Addie, you write beautifully!
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