Blessed with Much

This last month has been nothing short of a trial. Trying to keep up with church callings, a busy little house hold, tax season and dealing with family matters has left us stretched thin. On Sunday I felt like I would burst into tears if I was asked to do something as simple as saying a prayer. The Relief Society lesson was so well done. It was on serving others. Tears were close to the surface the entire time. I felt so overwhelmed and wondered how I could consider serving one more person when I already felt so stretched with our current situation. Music has a way of speaking to my soul. As the closing hymn began emotions overtook me.

Because I have been given much, I too must give.
Because of Thy great bounty, Lord, each day I live.

The words sunk deep into my heart. I knew that what we are doing is the right thing. My lips began to quiver and my voice cracked. I couldn't possibly sing another word. Instead I rested my head gently on my baby boy who was snuggled into my shoulder sleeping, making me feel secure, and silently let the tears fall as the rest of the sisters finished out the remainder of the hymn.

I shall divide my gifts from thee with every brother that I see,
Who has the need of help from me.

Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care,
I cannot see another's lack and I not share,
My glowing fire my loaf of bread, my roofs safe shelter overhead,
That he too may be comforted.

Because I have been blessed by they great love, dear Lord,
I'll share they love again according to my word.
I shall give love to those in need; I'll show that love by word and deed,
Thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed.

While they sang, I rocked and cuddled my baby. During the closing prayer I wiped my eyes and nose on Joseph's burp cloth. Super classy.

This whole week I've been playing catch up, trying to keep things in order and enjoying holding my little ones close.  My patience has been stretched and some days are really hard mommy days and I go to bed feeling exhausted and guilty. I just feel so weighed down with life and I think I'm on my last tank of optimism. It's frustrating to feel like your not fulfilling your most important roles the way you would like. Hopefully after another couple of weeks, our family will fall into routine and life will get easier.

As I drove home from Walmart the other night I realized that at some point during that day they had filled all the potholes in the road that I drive to and from the school each day. I considered it a little tender mercy and a reminder that Heavenly Father does love us and is aware of our every need.

Camilla has been quietly getting dressed and making her bed all by herself each morning. This has been a wonderful help! She feels happy and excited about being able to do this, and it's one less thing I have to worry about. Tonight before bed she read us the entire "Cranky Bear" book almost word for word. She has an awesome memory. I'll have to get it on video one of these nights. It made my day.

Joseph has also started going to bed at a decent hour, allowing everyone to get the sleep they need. This has totally been a blessing. Dear friends have also been a great blessing. One of my good friends said that Heavenly Father must trust me a lot and knows that I can do it. This thought has been comforting to me throughout the week when I've felt like I've reached the end of my rope. It's been nice to ponder my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

Auntie Faith left on winter camp with the young women on Wednesday after school. With the awesome weather I bet they're having fun. Mr. Stannix left on winter camp with the scouts today after work, so it's just me and the littles for the weekend. It will be nice to have a few slow mornings with the children snuggling in my bed catching some Netflix on my iPad. I've always hated being home alone, but hope Daddy is enjoying the little breather with the young men.

I spent majority of my evening tidying and whipping up dishes. I put a load of laundry in before Camilla went to bed. I freaked myself out tonight though, so there's no way I'm going into the creepy basement until morning. Before bed I indulged myself in some chocolate (cures everything) and a chick flick. I may have had a little too much chocolate though. Now that Joseph is asleep, I think I'll head to bed myself.