It's the middle of November and the temperatures are just starting to drop. The furnace wakes us first thing in the morning and the warm air is welcoming on my cold toes. While I prepare breakfast, the littles sit on the vent and warm themselves. As the days become shorter and we get ready to delve into Winter, I feel like I have emotionally just emerged from a bleak, lonely Winter of sorts. I have felt much like the afternoon sun, stuck behind a dark cloud for too long, biding my time until it moves along and I can shine again. Looking for the tiny rays of joy in my days has helped me so much over the last couple of weeks and that dark cloud is slowly dissipating. I am surfacing from the slump that I've been in and can physically feel the joy bubbling inside of me again. My heart flutters with excitement as I play with the littles and I'm starting to notice the little things that make life special.
In my search for joy I have learned some things and gathered advice from other wise mothers with handfuls of children demanding their attention. I have learned to just let things go more, and I have learned to just do enough. I can't expect perfectionism from myself or my house with five littles to love. One wise mamma told me, "just do enough so you aren't bothered by the mess and focus on the kids." So I just wash half of the dishes until my counter is clean enough to manage. If a messy bedroom is bothering me, I shut the door. I know that at days end I feel much better about myself because I've spent time with my littles, even if my house looks like a war zone sometimes.
I have also learned that you simply can't micromanage when you have five kids, or you'll just go crazy. Trust me. So I've been letting go more. I've been playing music in my kitchen and rediscovering a part of me that has been lost for a little while. As we enjoy those spontaneous dance parties I can feel the joy welling up inside my heart once more. I've learned to say "Yes" more often and to bite my tongue and let them sneak that second, third, or fourth cookie off the cooling rack when they think I'm not looking.
When the kids have a little less structure, amazing things happen. The other day Camilla could sense my frustration when Finley emerged from his bedroom for the fifth time after I had put him for his nap. She grabbed his hand and lead him back to his room. "I'll handle this," she said with a wink.
Lately Fin wakes crying from his nap thanks to some severe eczema behind his knees. I meet him at the top of the stairs and scoop him up into a cuddle. He lays on my lap on the couch and falls asleep again. I admire his lashes and run my fingers through his sticky, fine, blonde toddler hair.
Joe soon crawls up beside me, "I love you, Mommy. I think I'm gunna sit right here beside you okay?" He snuggles into my side until I put my arm around him.
While I crochet Hyrum crawls onto my lap for a snuggle. He rests his head on my shoulder and lets out a contented sigh. He's almost too big to curl up on my lap, so I soak it in. I have found that the answer to sadness and frustration is simply to touch more. To hold their hands, snuggle their little bodies, enjoy the sticky kisses...
Camilla gets home from school and then runs off to the park with her brothers. Lately she has been coming home before her brothers and telling me she wants to spend time together. "Girl time" she calls it. With all of these boys in our house, we have to stick together. She picks a few pumpkin muffins out of the cookie jar and warms her hands on her hot chocolate mug while Finley flicks the lights on and off (his favorite new trick).
Even though it's cooler in the afternoon the boys stay at the park as late as they can. They run around playing cops and robbers as the sun sinks behind the rooftops and the dark creeps in. They don't much mind the dark though and stay playing until I call them home. They come in with rosy cheeks, running noses and icy cold fingers.
Joe begs to hold the baby while I prepare dinner. "Mommy, do you know how much babies are special? They're like 20 specials!" He tells me as he plants a smooch on his baby brother's head.
Mike comes home from work and tells me how good the house looks. I laugh and can't help but wonder how he can be blind to the dishes on the counter, toys, and coats in the entry way. But that's not what's important to him. He wraps his arms around me after a long day and whispers in my ear, "You're the sunshine of my soul." He makes me feel like a Queen even when I don't look like one.
Dinner is hit and miss, but I had some good luck this week. While Joe shoveled his food into his mouth avoiding his pile of vegetables, I asked him to have just one carrot please. He shook his head yes, and before finishing his mouth, held up one finger and exclaimed, "Then one eye will glow!" His sister had just finished telling them how carrots are good for your eyes and can help you see in the dark. After three helpings of dinner, Joe and his hollow leg are full. When he tells me that he's stuffed it's music to my ears!
After dinner we leave the dishes and go straight into the bed time routine. Hyrum says our prayers and asks that Heavenly Father, "Please bless all the people who fought for us in the war that they will be resurrected." Such a thoughtful boy that Hyrum is.
I have found joy in our new bed time routine with the little boys. I can tell that Joseph is feeling extra loved because he smooches my cheek and gives me a squeeze. I sing and sing to them until I'm interrupted by deep breathing or snoring.
The evening brings me a sweet babe sleeping in the crook of my arm smelling of fresh laundry and baby soap. I still have bags under my eyes the size of loonies. They are badges of motherhood much like the puke on my shirt and the peanut butter and honey in my hair from my lovely toddler's chubby fingers.When I place him in his crib for the night I wait just a few minutes longer to catch those sleepy grins that I love so much. The grins that make all of this worth it and help me to Carry on through the night until I begin it all over again tomorrow.
In my search for joy I have learned some things and gathered advice from other wise mothers with handfuls of children demanding their attention. I have learned to just let things go more, and I have learned to just do enough. I can't expect perfectionism from myself or my house with five littles to love. One wise mamma told me, "just do enough so you aren't bothered by the mess and focus on the kids." So I just wash half of the dishes until my counter is clean enough to manage. If a messy bedroom is bothering me, I shut the door. I know that at days end I feel much better about myself because I've spent time with my littles, even if my house looks like a war zone sometimes.
I have also learned that you simply can't micromanage when you have five kids, or you'll just go crazy. Trust me. So I've been letting go more. I've been playing music in my kitchen and rediscovering a part of me that has been lost for a little while. As we enjoy those spontaneous dance parties I can feel the joy welling up inside my heart once more. I've learned to say "Yes" more often and to bite my tongue and let them sneak that second, third, or fourth cookie off the cooling rack when they think I'm not looking.
When the kids have a little less structure, amazing things happen. The other day Camilla could sense my frustration when Finley emerged from his bedroom for the fifth time after I had put him for his nap. She grabbed his hand and lead him back to his room. "I'll handle this," she said with a wink.
Lately Fin wakes crying from his nap thanks to some severe eczema behind his knees. I meet him at the top of the stairs and scoop him up into a cuddle. He lays on my lap on the couch and falls asleep again. I admire his lashes and run my fingers through his sticky, fine, blonde toddler hair.
Joe soon crawls up beside me, "I love you, Mommy. I think I'm gunna sit right here beside you okay?" He snuggles into my side until I put my arm around him.
While I crochet Hyrum crawls onto my lap for a snuggle. He rests his head on my shoulder and lets out a contented sigh. He's almost too big to curl up on my lap, so I soak it in. I have found that the answer to sadness and frustration is simply to touch more. To hold their hands, snuggle their little bodies, enjoy the sticky kisses...
Camilla gets home from school and then runs off to the park with her brothers. Lately she has been coming home before her brothers and telling me she wants to spend time together. "Girl time" she calls it. With all of these boys in our house, we have to stick together. She picks a few pumpkin muffins out of the cookie jar and warms her hands on her hot chocolate mug while Finley flicks the lights on and off (his favorite new trick).
Even though it's cooler in the afternoon the boys stay at the park as late as they can. They run around playing cops and robbers as the sun sinks behind the rooftops and the dark creeps in. They don't much mind the dark though and stay playing until I call them home. They come in with rosy cheeks, running noses and icy cold fingers.
Joe begs to hold the baby while I prepare dinner. "Mommy, do you know how much babies are special? They're like 20 specials!" He tells me as he plants a smooch on his baby brother's head.
Mike comes home from work and tells me how good the house looks. I laugh and can't help but wonder how he can be blind to the dishes on the counter, toys, and coats in the entry way. But that's not what's important to him. He wraps his arms around me after a long day and whispers in my ear, "You're the sunshine of my soul." He makes me feel like a Queen even when I don't look like one.
Dinner is hit and miss, but I had some good luck this week. While Joe shoveled his food into his mouth avoiding his pile of vegetables, I asked him to have just one carrot please. He shook his head yes, and before finishing his mouth, held up one finger and exclaimed, "Then one eye will glow!" His sister had just finished telling them how carrots are good for your eyes and can help you see in the dark. After three helpings of dinner, Joe and his hollow leg are full. When he tells me that he's stuffed it's music to my ears!
After dinner we leave the dishes and go straight into the bed time routine. Hyrum says our prayers and asks that Heavenly Father, "Please bless all the people who fought for us in the war that they will be resurrected." Such a thoughtful boy that Hyrum is.
I have found joy in our new bed time routine with the little boys. I can tell that Joseph is feeling extra loved because he smooches my cheek and gives me a squeeze. I sing and sing to them until I'm interrupted by deep breathing or snoring.
