Deck the Halls

It was so nice to wake up on a Saturday morning in our own home with the fire warming us and baby snuggles on the couch!

Mr. Stannix was able to sleep in because he still isn't getting much rest at night thanks to his back spasms. He gets winded easily and can't venture around the house too much, so he's been in his room and the living room at different points.

In the afternoon I loaded up all of the littles and took them into the church to the Nativity Display. It's a tradition that our family loves doing. Joseph offered to cart Lainey around while I was able to visit and enjoy the beautiful display. Cooper wouldn't let go of his baby sister and ended up "helping" Joe for the short time we were there.

I dug out all of the Christmas boxes and called up some friends who had offered to help us Deck the Halls this afternoon. They came out in the late afternoon, set up the ladder and put the tall tall tree up in the living room for us! We were so so grateful for their service and kindness. We had a great visit!

After Dinner we gathered the crew and officially "Decked the Halls". Daddy was able to watch from the comfy chair in the corner while we all added decorations to the tree and set up the nativities finally. This is probably the latest we've ever decorated for Christmas! 

Gramma and Grampa joined the chaos from next door and we loved sharing it with them!

 

I sure love our decorating crew! Hyrum did a stellar job putting the star on the top.

Watching Fin and Cooper snuggle up next to the tree with a Christmas book warmed my heart.

Once we had finished and the little ones were tucked in, I loaded up Lainey and went to the grocery store. I was feeling a little bit overwhelmed by life and may or may not have slammed the door when I left. While at the store I picked up a Jones Soda and when I cracked it open at home, the fortune made me chuckle. "You can choose your attitude". Cheeky Jones soda....But then the stillness of the evening and the lights of the tree made everything feel calm and peaceful. 

Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright.....

 

Home Sweet Home

Today we finally got the all clear to head home! I couldn't be happier! When Lainey and I arrived at the hospital, we watched the nurse pull out Mike's drain bag and then I packed up his things, helped him get dressed and put on his socks. 

He was still too winded to walk, and carrying all of his bags and a baby car seat was out of the question for me, so a sweet porter came to wheel him and his things down to the main doors while I carried the baby and brought the truck to the front. The cold air didn't do his lungs any favors and he could hardly breath after he climbed into the truck.

 Lainey cried for a short stint until we got moving and then fell asleep for the rest of the drive. The roads were terrible with snow blowing across the highway the entire way home. When we arrived, my parents had moved their vehicle so we could park as close as we could to the back door. I helped Mike in and then went back and grabbed the baby. The littles were so excited to meet her and Lily and Cooper were already cooing over her in her car seat. Soon the fighting over who would hold her first commenced. We settled for short turns all around before she got fussy and wanted to eat. Some of them said, "I KNEW it was going to be a girl!" Some still wished it was another brother... But everyone was delighted to meet her and snuggle her up!

Lily said, "You can just leave her with me if you want to get things done." She's so excited to have a little sister!

Cooper can't get enough of her and shrieks when anyone else holds her. He kept patting the couch for me to sit her beside him, but I told her she doesn't sit yet. Then he lied down and patted beside him, so I lied her beside him.

He hardly left her side all day long!

Some of the kids were still at school for the day, so when they got home they each got their turn to meet their new sister. 

Lainey and Fin snuggled up in front of the TV for over an hour while I was able to get some things done. 

We moved the big brown recliner into our room from Mom and Dad's house because it's the only place Mike can "sleep" that sort of helps his painful back spasms. He can get in and out of it easier than he can the bed right now. Hopefully it will provide some comfort and relief for him while he continues to gain strength. 

My room is a mess of hospital bags, dirty and clean clothes, baby gear and mail piled on my dresser. I had cleaned it last week in hopes of coming home right after delivery and enjoying an tranquil space, but alas, another plan foiled. The big brown chair has taken the place of the bassinet at my bedside and with Mike's meds to help him get to sleep, I don't want to be in the room disrupting him much while he rests. 

Tonight I will be juggling Cooper (who's already woken three times in the last half hour), Miss Lainey (who woke every hour and a half all night last night) and a hubby who needs help in and out of his chair. One day I will recover from these past two weeks, just not today! 

 

Almost Home

This morning I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so I slipped on my clothes & packed up all my stuff in a dimly lit room. Shortly before 4am I walked over to the NICU. I quietly took the stairs instead of the elevator and snuck out the front doors in the stillness of the night. It was snowing. The city was quiet. The freshly fallen snow crunched under my shoes as I sped walked to the hospital. A white rabbit hopped along in front of me and crossed my path a couple of times in my short walk.

When I got there, miss Lainey was wide awake, having a snack with one of the sweet nurses. I was able to take her and nurse her right away. She snuggled right in and went back to sleep. I'm so grateful for the awesome nurses who cared for her while I got some much needed rest. 

I was really hoping we could all go home today. We began the discharge papers for Lainey shortly before 8am. It took a long time to go through the "education" portion and learn about germs, self care, immunizations and not sleeping with too many blankets. All of the stuff I already know with this being my ninth baby, but it had to be ticked off in order to go home. They packed me a nice little care package with extra diapers, wipes, soothers, formula and nipples just in case.

Once she was asleep I left to go check on Mike. His doctor was just wrapping up his morning check in. While things are stabilizing, they still want to keep him in until tomorrow. I'm so grateful for the two brothers that came and gave him a priesthood blessing of healing last night and that prays were answered. I still couldn't help but feel tears of disappointment welling in my eyes when we got the news that we wouldn't be going home today. I really can't wait to just have everyone home and to have the kids meet their new baby sister. For two whole weeks I've put everyone else's needs and desires above my own, and I really just wanted this ONE thing to work out. We had Mike's brother bring the truck back because we weren't allowed to leave the NICU with Lainey until we had a car seat for her. Once they saw we were all set, they discharged us and we walked back to Mike's room to hang out. While he napped, Lainey and I went for a drive and I grabbed food and some new little outfits for her because I didn't bring nearly enough things to the hospital. I tried to make the best of the situation and enjoy spending time with Lainey and Mike for the rest of the evening until bedtime. 

"We must learn to judge ourselves not by what we are, but by what, under the influence of the Lord, we may become. We do not have to measure our potential for success by our known capabilities alone. We can count on the power of God and its expanding influence on our lives. We can know that our ability and strength can be magnified to meet any challenge that confronts us."

~Richard G. Scott

 

Lainey Grace

Last night I saw most of the hours on the clock as I tried to sleep and feed Lainey in the big green chair. My tailbone hurts from sitting. Lainey is doing so well and eats and sleeps like a champ! I had a few moments this morning to snap some pictures of her to officially introduce her to the world. We are still waiting until we all go home to tell everyone her name and gender in person. Seeing the reactions of the kiddos is one of my favorite parts of bringing a baby home. The name we settled on a few days ago was Lainey Grace. Lainey means "bright, shining light" and Grace means "unmerited love and mercy of God". During both this pregnancy and her delivery we were blessed by many tender mercies and I am so grateful for the grace of God during it all. She is a bright shining light and has such a sweet spirit already.

Joseph kept face timing me throughout the day, trying to discover baby's gender. He was so sneaky once and asked me to show him how big the room was. When he noticed a pink blanket hanging out of my bag, he exclaimed, "I knew it! It's a girl!" I had to tell him I brought both a blue and pink blanket because I didn't know which one I would need. I don't think he bought it though. Later on, he called me to help him make homemade mac and a cheese because they were out of KD. He whipped up the white sauce with a recipe and instructions I texted him and sent me a picture. A few minutes later Camilla sent me a video of a clean kitchen and her sweet friend Kaylee vacuuming the floor with Cooper. They had come home on their lunch hour and tidied the entire main floor for me and I was so so grateful to them both!

When the evening came I was feeling pretty exhausted. I asked the nurse what I should do and she encouraged me to go to the Ronald Macdonald house and reassured me that they would take good care of miss Lainey while I was away. It's such a weird thing, to leave your baby behind in the hospital. 

I went to say goodbye to Mike before leaving and our stake president happened to drop in for a quick visit. The three of us had a great visit and then he left for home. I said goodnight to Mike and then headed out the main doors into the cold with my bags. The walking directions the nurse gave me were perfect and I knew exactly where to go. I hated leaving the hospital without my baby and couldn't help thinking this isn't how it was supposed to be. As the wind whipped my face, tears pricked my eyes and loneliness encompassed me. As I cut across the parkade, a car stopped to let me go across the cross walk. After I had made it to the other side, I heard a voice call my name. When I turned I saw that the driver of the car was our stake president, who had just left from visiting with us. He asked if I'd like a ride, and when I replied that it wasn't far and I didn't want to be an inconvenience, he reassured me that it was no problem at all and that it was cold and I should get in. The drive lasted maybe a minute before we arrived, but I was grateful for the warmth and the company.

There have been many moments this week when I had finished taking care of everyone else and through tears I would ask Heavenly Father, "Now, who is going to take care of me?" And each and every time He sent angels in the form of a stake president who cared enough to call out, nurses who would sit and cry with me, friends who checked in every day, ward sisters and family who brought meals and treats and cheer, and so much more. And even though this experience has been awful and trying, there have been so many blessings and tender mercies.

I checked in, got a quick tour, showered and ate some dinner. I tucked into bed around 10pm and slept until 3:45am. The pillows were fluffy and the sheets smelled of fresh laundry. The room was quiet and there were no beeping machines. My stomach was finally full of nutritious food.  It was dark and peaceful and just what I needed after a crazy week at the hospital. 

(This post was published after we were home and well)

The NICU

After a rather restless sleep, I wandered back to the NICU at 5am this morning to hold baby again! I was not a fan of being woken by the nurses to check my blood pressure and have my stomach pushed on throughout the night. One of the reasons I love having a midwife is the fact that I can go home and sleep in my own bed. It's also my Dad's birthday today and I felt bad missing it and ditching all of the kids on them. 

 I spent three whole hours soaking her in before heading to Unit 23 to help Mike out of bed. He was super sick and nauseous today and anxious about his procedure at nine where they were going to reposition the drain.  When they inserted the drain initially, they didn't put him under and he felt the entire procedure. It was super painful and he was hoping it wouldn't be super painful again. He was mentally exhausted from a week already spent in the hospital being poked and prodded. I got him settled on his antibiotics and then made my way to my hospital room for a cold cold breakfast. While I was eating the nurse came in to check me once again and discharge me from the hospital because they needed the room. The nurse said they could hook me up with a room at the Ronald Macdonald house just down the street while baby was in the NICU. Then she helped me lug my bags and everything over to babe. 

I spent the majority of my day in the NICU snuggling her and after she got her CPAP out around 10am, I was able to finally nurse her! I spent a good chunk of my day nursing and cuddling her. I loved every minute spent staring at her sweet face and catching a few sleepy grins. Her oxygen levels are staying up, so I hope that means we can maybe go home soon. 

Mike had more complications today and they discovered some internal bleeding in his GI tract (likely from all of the pain meds he was on). They said he needed another CT scan and a scope done, so he is fasting once again. He has hardly been able to eat all week and has lost a lot of weight already. I'm so torn taking care of both of them. I just want us all to go home and enjoy the Christmas holidays. After tucking in Mike and reassuring him that I wasn't going home anytime soon, I went back to the NICU to check on babe.  

The nurses are all so sweet and they've been dressing her in the cutest little sleepers and hats. 

As I sat and nursed the chaos of the day hit me and I felt tears sting my eyes once more. I felt so alone. I just kept thinking to myself, "I will not cry, I will NOT cry...." as I bit my lip and drifted off to sleep. Leaving the hospital to stay alone at the Ronald Macdonald house didn't sound like very much fun to me when both my husband and babe were here. 

So I got as comfortable as I could in the ugly green chair and tried to catch a few winks of sleep.