Contented

 Today I woke with a light heart and a feeling of barely contained excitement (over what, I can't be sure). As September comes to a close, I am filled with peace and contentment. Autumn always awakens something within me that words will never adequately describe. Despite the happenings in our current world, this feeling carried me through my day. 

I spent the majority of my time in the kitchen peeling and chopping carrots. We were blessed with a great carrot harvest this year and I have enjoyed helping my Mum process it all. I glanced towards the garden just in time to see Hyrum fetching a wheel barrow and the little boys putting the freshly dug potatoes in crates for the root cellar. What a blessing it is for them to work along side their Grampa and learn to serve. 

As I washed the dishes there was a gentle breeze blowing through my kitchen window, teasing the stray hairs that had fallen from my ponytail. I had quiet music playing in the background as I worked away and enjoyed the crisp breeze on my face. 

One of the boys walked back to the house with a full egg basket at the same time friends showed up for a visit! The children enjoyed playing while we visited and filled a box of tomatoes to send home with them.

By late afternoon my house smelled of ham, and scalloped potatoes. On the counter sat a huge bowl of bread dough waiting to be shaped into loaves. The children's faint giggles streamed through the open windows, along with the golden Autumn sunshine, warming my heart and our home. The brightly colored leaves danced in the breeze across the field, captivating my attention. Camilla snuggled a sleepy Lily on her shoulder beneath a light blanket allowing me to finish some much needed tidying.

 

As the sun dipped lower in the sky, the Autumn scene out my back door became even more beautiful in the new light. Everyone gathered for dinner and enjoyed good conversation. Hyrum commented on how our home feels much happier when they are all nice and getting along and wished that it could always be that way. Things don't always go according to plan. Sometimes our days go smoothly and other days (like yesterday) I wonder how I will make it through. But days like today are cherished and the memories are stored away to help make it through the hard times that we will inevitably go through in this life. I have always loved the idea that "we write to taste life twice", and so I thought I would take a few minutes to record the simple pleasures of the day so that I can enjoy them again.

“We write to heighten our own awareness of life. We write to lure and enchant and console others. We write to serenade our lovers. We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection. We write, like Proust, to render all of it eternal, and to persuade ourselves that it is eternal. We write to be able to transcend our life, to reach beyond it. We write to teach ourselves to speak with others, to record the journey into the labyrinth. We write to expand our world when we feel strangled, or constricted, or lonely...When I don’t write, I feel my world shrinking. I feel I am in prison. I feel I lose my fire and my color. It should be a necessity, as the sea needs to heave, and I call it breathing.” ~Anaïs Nin

Sunday Snuggles

Sundays are never easy in the Stannix household and rarely can they be described as peaceful. This morning we got a bit of a late start. I've been so tired since Lily is cutting teeth and half of my nights are spent on the couch. Camilla wasn't feeling well, so she went back to bed. I had to ask more than three times for a few of the boys to finally get their church clothes on. When I finally managed to get everyone out the door, I realized I hadn't eaten breakfast yet. I quickly toasted a bagel while the big boys belted the littles into car seats. I went out to the van to discover that Lily hadn't been belted in yet and could have rolled right out of her seat. Two of the boys decided to start a fight in the back seat and a couple other children were yelling at each other. I took a deep breath, set my bagel down on the edge of the seat and quickly jumped in the van. As I was doing up her seat belt, the dog jumped in behind me and snatched up my bagel! It was the last straw. With tears brimming in my eyes I raised my fist to the sky and shouted at Sonny, "Hey! That's my breakfast!!" I chased him furiously around the yard until I got back my slobbery bagel, and then threw it in the garbage. I started the van with tears streaming down my cheeks, feeling rather like I hated Sunday mornings. After watching me run around the yard screaming at the dog, the boys remained silent for the entire drive to church.

We managed to get there nice and early, which meant keeping everyone quietly on the bench for a little while before the meeting began. Finley played the role of ever loyal brother, picking up every toy Lily purposely dropped. There were a couple of boys determined to make my life difficult. After splitting them up, one of them began GIGGLING in my face, like me quietly disciplining them was funny. I felt my face get hot and tears sting my eyes. I spent the entire meeting fighting with them. Half way through Sawyer began making a bridge over the benches with his legs and Lily was shrieking so loudly it hurt my ears. I scooped one under each arm and made my way to the mothers room. I came back five minutes later to all three boys standing and hissing through their teeth at each other. My face grew red with embarrassment and I about hauled everyone out to go home right then. I sent a screeching Lily to the hall with Hyrum, rearranged the kids on the bench and grit my teeth for the last ten minutes. 

There have been plenty of Sundays where I come home from church feeling defeated, and wondering if it was worth all of the effort. I know deep down it is, but some days are just plain hard! 

Those feelings all melted away pretty quickly after church when Camilla brought the kitties in to play. Lily would sit all day with a kitten pressed against her cheek if she could. 

We thankfully enjoyed a rather quiet and uneventful afternoon! I got to snuggle and read with a few of the children and naps were had by the littles. 

Autumn in the Mountains

This morning started slow and easy. The children pretty much helped themselves to breakfast and then we hung out in the living room and snuggled the kittens. 

It always makes me smile to watch my boys be gentle with tiny animals. Oliver came up in his boxers and snatched a cute little kitten up right away!

The weather was looking good today, so we decided to head to the mountains to take in the beautiful leaves and snap some family pictures. I was giddy with excitement over the Autumn scenes that kept unfolding as we drove. 

We discovered that we could set the camera timer with Daddy's smart watch, so we rigged up the phone to a tripod and tried our best to get nine people looking in the right direction. The sun was not cooperating (we should have gone out in the morning instead of mid afternoon). Every time it went behind a cloud we would frantically get into place, but it always ended up peeking back out before we took the picture. There are a lot of squinty eyes in this years photo, but I think we did pretty good all things considered!

Abraham lake was really high, and lots of the shore was covered with water. We pulled into Preacher's Point on the way home to let the children skip rocks and run around. They were so patient and deserved some fun! 

This mug kills me. 

Daddy taught some of the smaller children how to skip rocks and Finley got three successful skips! He was practically jumping up and down after!

I enjoyed sitting on the shore taking it all in. It felt so good to be outside, enjoying each others company, feeling the breeze on our faces and the sun on our shoulders!

I also loved watching Camilla spin and dance around with her little sister. It's crazy that there's over 11 years between them! 

I also couldn't help but sneak a shot of my freckle-faced Joe! He styles his hair every morning and has a gaggle of girls that chases him around the playground. He doesn't even blush when his brothers bring it up. He just laughs. I love his charismatic personality and his ability to make everyone feel loved and included! 

And my Hyrum, who is determined to grow some hockey hair for hockey season. He is a gentle soul like his mamma. 

It was so peaceful and wonderful there, I could have stayed all day! Alas, it began to rain and we needed to get home for dinner.

As we were pulling away, Ollie exclaimed, "Look! A rainbow!" We stopped the car so I could run out and snap a picture. It was such a special thing to witness, arched over the lake with golden trees acting as the treasure on each end. 

The drive home was nice and quiet as the children slept most of the way. It was a great way to spend a Saturday!

 

A Safe Haven

I am not even sure how it is possible to feel heartache over the world's circumstances, and contentment all at the same time. Our home is filled with laughter, love, and reading making it a safe haven for our children. As my hands quietly work away, I ponder the state of the world and what I can do as a mother to make a difference. Am I teaching my kids to be kind, brave, accepting, a light? Am I doing enough?

Camilla came skipping into the living room after school today with a kitten snuggled in her arms. She kept telling me how much she loves her and how cute Opal is. I hope that she never loses that innocence and excitement for the little things in life. I hope she always relishes in the simple pleasures and the things that matter most and doesn't get caught up in the trivial matters of our day. 

 

Change

This morning I rearranged my kitchen. I needed to change up the space and get creative. I felt like I was in a slump. I moved the open pantry over out of the dining area and put a lower shelf in it's place to hold my baking pans and cookie sheets. It was a breath of fresh air! Now our dining room has more wall space and doesn't feel so closed in. The big, ugly open pantry, in all it's messy glory, was starting to bug me!

It's going to be a while before I have a real kitchen and counter space again, so I am trying my best to make due. Sometimes it's hard, and other times I think to myself that this is how they lived way back when. But I have it better because at least I have a gas stove to cook over instead of a fire place! When this kitchen is finished being renovated, it is going to be a dream!

While I worked away, I would occasionally glance outside and admire my wedding quilt drying over the railing. One of the boys barfed on it last night, and it needed a good cleaning!

Tomato Harvest

 This morning the little boys and I ventured out to Grampa's Greenhouse to bring in more ripe tomatoes! I've lost track of how many pounds of tomatoes we have processed already. I've made over thirty quarts of salsa this year, a few dozen jars of pizza sauce, and a batch of tomato paste. We went through all of the paste/sauce tomatoes and clipped everything that was ripening. Oliver liked seeing how many tomatoes he could carry at once. We ended up with a few big boxes full! Sawyer helped me pick the cherry tomatoes and then we all worked together to bring everything inside. 

Golden Autumn

The sun is waking up later each day, but I don't mind so much because it means that I am able to catch the sunrise each morning and bask in it's beauty.

This morning I was blessed with this golden view out the front window while the children scurried around the house packing their lunches and pouring bowls of cereal.

We enjoyed some time outside in the afternoon. Oliver makes the best chore buddy! He helped me gather eggs and we held hands and laughed all the way back to the house.

Sonny is getting SOOO much better with the children. He is not as mouthy as he was when he was a new pup. Oliver isn't afraid of him anymore and often says, "I just love Sonny! I'm so glad we have a dog like him."

We finished off our afternoon with a visit on the back deck, soaking in the sunshine!

Then it was off to pick up Camilla from volleyball and bring her to riding lessons! She has been horse crazy and we thought this would be a great place to begin! She has a beautiful horse named Abby for the next few weeks and loved every minute of it!

After the children were in bed, I made up a batch of jelly. The shelves downstairs are slowly filling up and it's nice to do something each day.

Choose Hope

The rocking chair creaks as I snuggle Lily on my shoulder with a blanket. Her chubby fingers instinctively grab onto my hair while she wraps her other arm around mine, clinging to my shirt, pulling herself close to me. 

Her breathing is rhythmic, like the rain falling outside from the dimly lit sky. Dusk has fallen, and the trees are barely visible from her bedroom window. We sit in the quiet together while her eyes slowly drift to sleep, and darkness falls around us. Creak, creak. Pitter-patter. Inhale, exhale. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. 

The world is in commotion, my heart aches from witnessing all of the hatred and hurt. Somewhere along the way we have lost our ability to share differences of opinions in a respectful and loving way. The media, if we aren’t careful, can cloud our vision and tell us what we should or shouldn’t do. It can be easy to lose hope in what’s to come and feel discouraged. 

When Lily’s body becomes heavy and her hands relax, I stop rocking for a moment to re-read a quote from a friend. It reminds me that the little things I do each day in our home will have a big impact on the world. I am instilling in my children a hope in Christ, a love for others, and a desire to serve and make the world a better place. And it all starts right here, with them cuddled on my shoulder, in my lap, in my arms, where I hope they are able to feel a small portion of the love that their Savior has for them. 

"Oh sisters, dearest sisters, choose life even though the forces of death seem strong! Choose hope even though despair seems close! Choose to grow even though circumstances oppress you! Choose to learn even though you must struggle against your own ignorance and that of others! Choose to love, even though ours are days of violence and vengeance. Choose to forgive, to pray, to bless another’s life with simple kindness. I promise that you will feel the abundant love of the Savior. He receives each act of mercy to one of the least as one done to Himself. And in return He defies hopelessness, weariness, despair, and meaninglessness on our behalf." ~Chieko N. Okazaki

 

Swinging away September

We are thoroughly enjoying the warm September we are having! We spent some time in the greenhouse picking ripe tomatoes and then a quiet afternoon inside snoozing and creating! Lately Lily likes to fall asleep in her high chair just before dinner while I'm busy in the kitchen. 

 

Riding Lessons

Yesterday Camilla went to her very first riding lesson! She was so full of excitement and has been counting down to this day for a long time. She was taught how to brush and saddle up as well as some safety things. Then she learned how to properly lead her horse to the riding ring. She walked her horse around and then was able to mount. Camilla loves animals and has been so horse crazy lately! It was fun to watch her do something she enjoys!