With Purpose

 Early this morning I woke to nurse Lily while the rest of the house quietly slept. Instead of snuggling her into bed with me or dozing in and our of sleep in the chair, I read and pondered and admired the fresh snowfall out a dimly lit window. When she was satisfied and had drifted back to sleep, I gently laid her down and tiptoed into the kitchen to begin my day.

 

There are many mornings where I lay in bed drifting in and out of sleep, waiting for the children to wake me and begin the morning routine. Today it felt good to begin my day with purpose. To choose to wake before the rest of the house and enjoy a few minutes of peace and pondering after a few rough mommy days. It solidified my resolve to begin each day on purpose and to live more intentionally instead of just trying to survive day in and day out.

 

Sawyer joined me in the kitchen, rubbing sleep from his eyes as I pulled a warm pan of cookies out of the oven for school lunches. I scooped him up and we walked to the big window to take in the sunrise together. Watching the sun rise and fall each day always reminds me of how much my Father in Heaven loves me. We watched two deer quietly make their way across the yard while we whispered and my heart was filled to the brim.

 

The big kids arrived home to a fruit tray and vanilla dip to enjoy for snack. As we sat around the table I couldn't help but notice how grown up Camilla and Hyrum were looking lately. Hyrum's hair was poking out the front of his ball cap and it made him look nine going on fourteen.

Hyrum has such a tender heart. When he walked in the door after school and stretched out his arms for a hug while asking how my day was, he pretty much melted my heart. He's such a great big brother and I love watching him include others. 

Camilla is my social butterfly and animal lover. She has such a desire to be good and do good to others. She lifts those around her and always strives to do her best. Whenever I'm having a rough day, or need a reason to get out of bed in the morning, I look to my children. They are wonderful souls and I'm so grateful for the things they teach me each day.

"Do the best you can do day after day, and before you know it, you will come to realize that your Heavenly Father knows you and that He loves you. And when you know that -- really know it -- your life will have real purpose and meaning and you will be filled with joy and peace."

 ~M. Russell Ballard

Light

 The days are getting longer and I'm so excited for Spring to arrive. The sun has more power behind it and the snow is beginning to melt. Soon we will be sorting seeds and getting ready to start the plants for the greenhouse. The children will be spending every waking hour outdoors and we will all feel happy and refreshed after the long Winter months. 

 

In the mid afternoon I find myself gravitating towards the warm light pouring through the West facing windows.

Tonight we took the littles for a drive after dinner and caught the most beautiful sunset.  I'm so grateful for the added measure of light that this season brings to our lives.

Hope

Today, as the wind gusts outside my window, I can smell Spring in the air. Lately I have felt like the big tree in my front yard with its branches being blown in all directions, the trunk creaking and threatening to give out with every gust of wind. But I am grateful that like that tree, I am strongly rooted in my faith and hope of good things to come. 

A few weeks ago while journaling my thoughts, I had the terrible thought that if I wasn’t here, no body would miss me. Sure, my family might miss being fed and having a clean house, but would they truly miss me? This thought was the product of feeling weighed down by the world, stretched to capacity as a mother and a tugging in my heart for the kind of joy and fulfillment that could only be fulfilled by diving deeply into the scriptures and strengthening my relationship with my saviour. 

I’ve had such a desire lately to live life with more purpose. To lay aside the cares of the world and to focus more on my children & my home. While the world tells me that being a mother and homemaker isn’t important, my heart tells me the opposite. 

Recently president Nelson stated that “as you shift your focus away from worldly distractions, some things that seem important to you now will recede in priority.” He also promised that consecrating our life to the Lord will change our perspective and give us spiritual strength. 

In this season, consecrating my life to the Lord means mothering my children and providing them with a loving home. As I keep that perspective I am able to find great joy in the mundane tasks of motherhood because every little thing I do is for His glory. I’m so grateful for the hope I find in my saviour as I anxiously await warm Spring days.

Content

 At days end the mother of the house, exhausted from carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, wiggles her fussy babe into the sling so she can hold her close. Together they sway in front of a sunlit window while soft music plays in the background and cookies bake in the oven. When the timer rings the weary mother makes her way to the kitchen to take the warm cookies from the oven. She smiles as she notices that the children have  already eaten the last pan and have cleared a spot on the cooling rack. A chubby toddler hand reaches past her and snatches the last cool cookie just as she replaces it with a warm one. And though she is burdened, she is content, because her children are happy, healthy and thriving and she is able to make her home a place of refuge and safety from the cares and concerns of the world.

Lily: Two Months

 Our Lily Joy is TWO months old today! She is so much fun and fits in well with our crazy crew. She's settled in nicely this month and sleeps like a champ! She likes to go to bed between nine and ten and does a good seven hour stretch. She wakes to feed and then sleeps the morning away. She loves eye contact and will coo and grin at everyone! She only really gets fussy when she's tired and then she loves snuggling with her older siblings. They enjoy walking around with her propped on their shoulders while her eyes get heavy and she slowly drifts off. She also likes to cozy into her dads arms for a few winks of sleep in the afternoon. She can roll side to side and it won't be long until she's going front to back. Happy two months my girl!

 

 

My Sunshine

This week Winter arrived for real. The buses were all cancelled and it was minus a bazillion outside. The littles stayed home all but two days and enjoyed each others company very much. This morning they all wanted to go to school for the last day before break next week. Mr. Stannix's car wouldn't start (despite being plugged in), but our trusty Big Red fired up nicely despite the cold. Instead of Daddy dropping them off, we all piled in and dropped Daddy to work first so that I could have the van to pick everyone up after school. When we arrived back home, the house was quiet and Ollie lamented over how much he misses the big kids when they're away because he has no one to play with. I turned up the heat and sat on my bed with miss Lily and she would not stop smiling. I thought I'd put a bunch of pictures on here in case anyone else might be in need of a little bit of sunshine today. Happy Friday!

 

 

 

A Quiet Day

For the first time this week, the big kids went to school. The buses haven't been running all week, but they caught a ride in to school with Daddy. 

 

The house felt really empty, and I spent all morning snuggled on the couch nursing the babe while Ollie and Sawyer played at my feet. It kind of felt like a breath of relief after a busy few days with everyone home. I miss them all when they are at school, but the quiet was welcomed.

 

Lily has started smiling at everyone! It's one of my favorite things. I really didn't get up to much today as far as house work goes. I caught up on some laundry that needed folding and visited with my parents for most of the afternoon.

After lunch I tucked Sawyer in for a quick snooze, knowing I'd have to wake him to drive in and pick up the littles from school. The van barely started for me and for a few seconds I worried about how I would get them home if it didn't. Lily slept snug and warm in her carseat while the little boys chatted my ear off. The littles had rosy cold cheeks when they piled into the van from their short walk outside the school. We grabbed a dozen donuts and then headed home to warm up!

Polar Vortex

 This week is filled with bitter cold as a polar vortex makes it's way through. Knowing the buses were cancelled, we all slept in a tiny bit. I had been up most of the night with Lily on the couch, so the extra few winks of sleep were welcomed. The house was chilly and the windows were frosted inside. I turned the heat up a few notches and then went to work in the kitchen making breakfast and mixing ingredients for artisan bread.

 

 

 

 

 Joseph begged to hold Lily and  took great care snuggling her up on his shoulder with his hand placed gently on the back of her head. Her chubby cheeks smooshed on his bony shoulder as he eye lids slowly closed. When she was asleep, he placed her in her bouncer. Hyrum scooped her up when she began to stir a short while later and she quickly drifted back to sleep nestled into his neck as he swayed and bounced around the kitchen to the music softly playing. These boys are going to make excellent fathers one day!

 

 

 
Hyrum made his way into the kitchen just as I pulled out the mixing bowl. I figured since everyone was home I would make up a batch of sugar cookies. We traditionally fill the jar with heart cookies every February and today was the perfect day for it.

 

Once they were baked and cooled I made a batch of icing and the littles gathered around the kitchen table and went to work creating and eating.

 

 

 

When they all had their fill, I was left to finish icing the rest of the cookies and put them away in the cookie jar. 

Grampa invited Camilla over to play her violin for Great Gramma and Grampa Hudkins over video. At the end, I snuck over to show them Lily and she gave them the biggest grins. As my Grampa explained to my Gramma (who is blind) how chubby Lily's cheeks are and how big she was grinning, Gramma's voice cracked as she said, "I wish I could see her." 

 

Tears pricked my eyes as I thought about my dear Gramma and how gracefully she is handling navigating through life with a loss of eye sight.

 

 

The afternoon passed quietly with the little ones snuggled in for a nap and the furnace warming our home.

 

Shortly before dinner I pulled two gorgeous loaves of crusty artisan bread from the oven and listened to it crackle as it cooled on the counter.

When the sun came out, everyone bundled up despite the cold and went outside to play. I watched through the window, with a sleepy babe snuggled in my arms as they ran through the big spruce trees, laughed down the hill on the sleds and played a game of hide n' seek. I watched Sawyer trudge through the deep snow with one mitten to ask his big brother for help. I observed Hyrum tenderly drop to one knee and carefully put Sawyers mitten back on. A few minutes later I saw them exploring near the other side of the yard, Sawyer being piggy backed by that strong older brother of his. So many sweet moments today that I will cherish forever. 

An Earthly Angel

We woke to a chill in the air and a thin layer of frost lining the windows. Mr. Stannix was up early to head to his bishopric meetings and discovered his car wouldn't start. He came inside from the cold to find me snuggled on the couch with Lily to let me know. I told him just to take Big Red and the littles and I would watch church at home today. It was kind of a relief because I didn't really feel like going to church anyways. The cold coupled with my mood made me just want to lay low.

A little while later Mr. Stannix sent me a text to let me know that someone very special had offered to drop the van back home so that we could have the option of going to church if we wanted to. Some of the littles were already dressed and ready, so it wasn't hard to get everyone else ready on time. When the van pulled up I watched through the window as this dear friend, all bundled up, took the scraper and made sure the windows were all clear. She dropped the keys in the door to one of the children and I yelled a thank-you as she closed the door and hopped in the car with her son who had followed her out.

 

 

While the littles played, I got myself dressed and Lily snoozed on my bed. We had a slow, quiet morning and I even had a few minutes to snap some pictures of the girls before we left for church. As the meeting began I was grateful to this dear friend for her willingness to serve. I didn't know how much I needed to be there until I had arrived. To learn later that she had dropped her husband off to his early meetings (which she didn't normally do) and had asked her son who happened to also be awake early to come along and shovel if need be was a testimony to me that God is in the details. As she shared this, tears filled my eyes. I am so grateful that she was in-tune with the Spirit and followed through with her promptings.

The hum-drum of Winter and this whole pandemic has been getting to me and it all caught up with me last night. As I stayed up well past the hour everyone else had fallen asleep, walking the floor and nursing, I began to feel sorry for myself. Having someone need and rely on you every minute of every day is both a beautiful and difficult thing. I said many a prayer and let the tears fall. Sometimes when we feel lonely, lost, or abandoned, Heavenly Father sends angels to remind us that He cares. Heavenly Father knew that I needed to go to church today, and he made it possible with help from an earthly angel.

 

Lily: One Month

 

At one month miss Lily loves to be snuggled! She likes to be nestled into my neck when she’s tired or up high on my shoulder so she can look around. Her average bedtime is anytime after 11pm and she only gives me just over two hours in between feeds. She is always fussy in the evenings and takes a while to settle. She recently started grabbing my shirt sleeve or collar in her fist while falling asleep. She hates being swaddled and always sleeps with a hand next to her face and arms up. She is expressive and has the loudest cry of all my babes. Our noisy house doesn’t phase her and she sleeps through everything. We have days every now and then where I get nothing done but hold her. Experience tells me this is perfectly normal and I cherish the time. Happy one month baby girl!