On Being Enough

I woke up ready to conquer Monday and managed to get a few dozen banana chocolate chip muffins baked before the littles even left for school! I smiled proudly to myself and thought take that, Monday! The older two dashed out the door as their bus pulled up at the corner, but they made it just in time.

My morning was going fabulous until I decided to let the baby hold a sealed "yop" yogurt drink on the way home from grocery shopping. Half-way home Joseph exclaimed, "Mom! He opened it and dumped it all over himself!" Sure enough, Ollie managed to open a fully sealed container and dump it all over himself, his winter coat, the carseat, and the van seat. I remained calm, but inside I was frazzled. This was not how I planned to spend the rest of my morning. I lugged his seat into the house, dripping yogurt as we went, and plunked him down in the entry way. He smiled up at me while he sucked the last bit of yogurt from the bottle. I let out a sigh and went back to the garage to lug in the groceries. Then I unbuckled the base of the carseat and washed it in the tub. Next I pulled a very soggy baby from his carseat and held him as far away from me as possible while we walked to the bathroom where I could wash the yogurt from his hair. He went for a nap right away after and I filled a bucket of water and stomped off to the van to wipe everything down. Next I tore apart the carseat and put the cover in the wash. I had planned on spending that 45 minutes differently, but at least I can laugh about it later.

Not long after my sweet Two year old who is completely potty trained, but still needs help aiming, insisted on going to the bathroom and doing it all himself. I stayed close by for damage control as the spray got higher and higher. One quick move of his finger and we were both done for. I now had to clean the toilet seat, the floor, his shirt, and myself! I ran the tub again and ended up cleaning and disinfecting and entire bathroom (that wasn't on my list of things to do either). 

Now I have a very clean van, and bathroom. And I am tired. 

The kids came home from school excited to show me their report cards! Hyrum's teacher noted that she appreciates his "calm disposition". I smiled as I read it, because he truly is my calm, sober boy. Camilla's teacher said she is doing well, but needs to work on raising her hand and not shouting out answers. If they were casting for Harry Potter, Camilla would win the part of Hermione Granger for sure. She is smart and enthusiastic and reading at a mid grade 3 level. She loves to write and is very descriptive. 

The afternoon was uneventful. I felt burnt out and was having a hard time being the mother I wanted to be. I layed on the basement floor, exhausted, as the children climbed all over me and giggled. Soon we were all laughing.  I realized that they don't need to be going full speed all the time. These quiet moments together are sometimes just what we need to connect and come together.

Dinner was hardly exciting, but the chili warmed our bellies. We didn't have any vegetables, which made me feel like a terrible mother. Ya win some, ya lose some. I looked around the kitchen after dinner and couldn't help but wonder how it was already a mess again. Mr. Stannix pulled me close and said, "Don't worry, you'll live to fight another day." In other words, leave it, worry about it tomorrow. I managed to load the dishwasher while he tucked in the little boys so we would at least have clean spoons and bowls for breakfast. 

Ollie woke just as we were settling in for the night. I tried to capture a sweet moment where Daddy came to his rescue, but night photography is not my thing. There was something about the glow of the salt lamp, Ollie's arms around his neck and his chubby hand clinging to his shirt. As they swayed in the glow of the light, I couldn't help but pause in the doorway and smile (and then curse my photography skills afterwards). At least it's captured in my mind.

At days end I could hardly move (thanks to a nasty cold that I've contracted). My body ached. My head was pounding. The kitchen was still a mess, winter coats carpet my entry way and boots lay right where they were kicked off after school. I can't help but look around my house and feel unaccomplished as I think about my "list" for the day. What DID I do today?! Was it enough? Did I give enough hugs/time/attention to everybody? 

This week feels a little bit stressful as we wrap up swimming lessons, attend activity days, have daddy working late, do parent teacher interviews, and plan Joe's first "Friend" birthday party. Sometimes it's hard to feel like enough with pinterest worthy birthday parties floating around in my head. Sometimes I feel bad that our kids aren't in more extra-curricular activities and I worry that I'm holding them back. Sometimes my messy house bothers me and I wish that I could have Martha Stewart worthy decor. Sometimes it's hard to feel like you're winning at life when you have a mount Everest of laundry on the basement couch waiting to be folded.  

My dear husband talks me back to reality and reminds me of all the good I do, the little things that often go unnoticed. The reality is the kids won't care how fancy the cupcakes are as long as they're edible. They probably won't remember each party that I throw them, but they will remember that I cared enough to try. We do things at a slower pace around here, and that's completely okay! We like being together and slow works for us. And ultimately, comparing my worst to someone's best is not fair.

I wipe away my tears and walk across the hall to do night checks. The children are sleeping peacefully, their covers kicked to the bottom of the bed and their pillows askew. All they want is my time, my love, and my attention. The rest isn't important. I pull their blankets back to their chins, gaze on their angelic faces and for a brief moment I feel like I'm enough.

Evening Glow

This weekend found us gathered at the Acreage with family! We popped out this afternoon for a quick visit. The kids were super excited to go! It's been a while since our last visit and they just love it here! Having Aunties and Uncles here makes it all the better.

Hyrum is quite the little "farm boy" and loves being outside. Lately he's been too cool for a jacket and relishes in any chance he gets to go without it and without me bugging him about it. Today was warm and nice!

In the late afternoon I went out with the little boys and watched them sled down the lane. The light was perfect as the sun started to dip behind the trees.

It was perfect.

After dinner we went into town and hit up the bowling alley with everybody. Grampa treated us to a game for Joe's birthday. 

The fact that it was glow bowl just made it that much more exciting!

We had an adult lane and a kid lane. Everyone had a lot of fun and Camilla even got a strike! The kids did so great and only had a few gutter balls the whole night. It was quite impressive!

Joe's Fifth Birthday

 Five years ago today a sweet boy joined our family! Joseph has a big heart and loves to make friends with everyone he meets. He is sweet and kind, funny and crazy. He makes us laugh and think quick. He is inquisitive and thoughtful. He is busy and demanding. He has a big personality and a lot of love to give.

It's so crazy to think that he is already FIVE! He asked for a chocolate cake and chocolate icing for his birthday and picked out some sparklers the last time we were at the grocery store. A package of green balloons also got thrown into the cart (that's his favorite color right now). He didn't mind that I forgot to check the cake when it came out of the oven and ended up having to cut out the center because it wasn't cooked. 

My favorite thing about Joseph is how many times he randomly says "I love you" throughout the day. It usually happens at times when he's feeling love, like when we're reading a story, when I take time to help him with something, when we are together in the kitchen, when we are doing school. "Mommy, I love you." Such a simple phrase that fills my heart with joy. 

It's been so fun watching him grow and  change over these last five years!

Happy birthday buddy!

Multipurpose Mixing Bowl

 Oliver's got the best seat in the house!

Crafting and Baking

The littles got an extended long weekend and enjoyed another day off school today. I was happy to have them home and slow down a little bit. We enjoyed a quiet morning with no lunches to pack and no time commitments. 

Hyrum made up this adorable snowman from a picture I found on the internet. I was quite proud of his cutting and glue-ing skills. It joined the rest of our pictures on the craft wall and makes me smile every time I look at it!

The afternoon brought baking of course. With lots of helpers to roll and dip in sugar the ginger cookies were done super quick. 

Ollie has discovered how to scoot under the baby gate now, so it's pretty much useless. If he has a big enough cloth diaper on, that's about the only thing that stops him from squeezing through. He is such a busy boy these days and keeps this mamma on my toes!

Costa Vida

 The weeks and months have been flying by in a blur! I seriously can't take how fast time is going these days. The littles are growing so much, especially Ollie! We were excited to have a quiet Saturday with not too much going on.

Daddy took the kids sledding this morning at Dinosaur hill. We've had some crazy nights lately and I am flat out exhausted. My dear hubby figured I could use a morning snooze and a little break. The kids had a lot of fun!

 While they were out I made a pan of rice Krispie squares. With no kids home that meant Ollie got the spoon to lick and he was quite happy about that!

In the late afternoon we spontaneously decided to go for a drive. Daddy took us to his new favorite Mexican joint, Costa Vida, and treated us all to dinner. I love that he recognizes when I need a little break and takes over. I'm sure the fact that it's a Canadian version of Cafe Rio had nothing to do with it. Ha!

We were literally the only ones in the entire restaurant which made it that much more enjoyable. If the kids were loud or Ollie wanted to toddle around, it was no big deal because they weren't disturbing anyone! There was tickling, and giggling, and good chats as we enjoyed our food.

 

I'm sure we will be back very soon!

Remembrance Day Ceremony

 Today was the school Remembrance Day ceremony, and Hyrum's first choir performance. They woke up excited about the day and got dressed in their choir outfits complete with a poppy. The boys and I headed to the school at 9:00am and found a seat near the back of the gym so I could stand behind them and bounce a tired Ollie to sleep on my back. My favorite part of the whole thing is singing "O Canada" with such a huge group of people. It always makes me tear up a little and fills my heart with gratitude for our wonderful country and the freedoms we enjoy. The grade One's got to place a poppy on the cross at the front for each of the fallen soldiers. Hyrum, my sober child, stood in line so quietly with a completely serious look on his face. He waved when he saw me, but didn't dare crack a smile. Oh I love that boy and his serious nature. The little boys sat mesmerized as the last post was played on the trumpet and we made it through the moment of silence (but just barely). We were able to catch one more song before the boys started getting antsy. Usually I make them stick it out or I pull out some creative idea to keep them occupied, but today I was too tired. We snuck out the side door and headed to the grocery store to grab a few things while we were out. The rest of the day was slow and steady. Somehow I got roped into building a helicopter out of Lego with Joe. We had fun sorting through all of the Lego and finding the things we needed. The rest of the house work will just have to wait until tomorrow!

A Morning Frost

This morning we woke to frost and indigo skies. There was a little boy in my bed snuggled between us. When Daddy rolled over he whispered, "Who's this?" I whispered back, "Joe". He smiled. Ollie began babbling in his crib and I knew I needed to get him but I craved just a few more minutes snuggled in my warm bed beneath the duvet. I slipped out and tip-toed across our dark room to scoop Ollie from his crib. I turned up the furnace on our way to the kitchen and flicked on a few lights.

It wasn't until I discovered the furnace wasn't working that I ventured outside to check the furnace vent and smiled at the sight of the trees. Ever since the snow arrived I have been aching for a beautiful morning frost. These are my very favorite Winter days when the world is all dressed up in white sparkling beneath the sunlight.

 We took it slow and easy and I offered to drive the kids to school just to take in the beauty. 

 We had a snack when we got home and then sat at the table to craft. 

I cut some shapes out of newspaper and the boys glued everything on.

They were quite pleased with the way they turned out and couldn't wait to hang them up!

I'm looking forward to adding more creations to the art wall this season!

Ollie was content to toddle around while I cleaned the kitchen and baked bread for dinner.

After an hour at the pool for swimming lessons (chasing the two little boys), and running to the van in the bitter cold, we were quite happy to come home to warm soup and artisan bread.

I'm Blue

If there is a marker to be found, this kid will find it, and suck all of the juice right out of it. 

It is not uncommon to find him with a little extra color on his hands and face at some point during the day. Last time he chose the color blue, and had a fabulous time until he was busted by Mom. Never a dull moment!

Welcome November

 November has arrived and so has the snow! It literally hasn't stopped snowing for the last two days. When I wake I turn up the heat and look out the window at the flakes swirling down beneath the street lights. Somehow the world seems more peaceful when the snow is silently falling outside. The littles make their way to the kitchen one at a time and curl up next to me on the vent. The big blanket traps the heat, warming our toes and fingers. Soon it's time for breakfast and the morning routine. I pack lunches and sign agendas and reading logs while they eat. Then they pack their backpacks and practice their music. Camilla is loving her new Christmas songs on the violin. The big kids bundle up in their snow gear while we read scriptures and then we kneel for family prayers before they leave to catch the bus. 

 Instead of showering like I planned, I slip on Mr. Stannix's thermals and his Oilers sweatshirt and pull my Winter boots out of storage. I spend my morning shoveling knee deep snow, checking on the boys every few minutes. Oliver is content to play in his crib for a few minutes, but quickly loses interest. I move him to the kitchen and put the baby gate up to keep him contained while I finish the last half of the driveway. Most of my work already has another dusting of snow on the top, and I let out a sigh. Ollie almost manages to dump an entire bottle of oil on my floor and I come in just in time to witness a jail break as he scoots under the gate feet first towards freedom. I put the kettle on for hot chocolate and grab a cookie for breakfast (they have oatmeal and peanut butter in them, so they're totally breakfast worthy).

 

The morning goes by slowly as I tidy the house and play with the boys. We warm up the left over chili for lunch and then I tuck the two little boys in for a nap. I whisper to Joe that I am going out to shovel again and his eyes light up, "Can I come too!?" We shovel our driveway and walks along with our neighbors on all sides. The scraping shovels echo through the neighborhood. Halfway through the driveway, Joe's cheeks are bright red and he decides to go inside to warm up. When I finish, I find him curled up on the couch petting Reese quietly.

 I wash up and start a batch of bread dough while he snuggles up to a movie downstairs. A few minutes later, I find him snoring on the couch. I give the kitchen a quick tidy, form the dough into loaves and grab a babbling Ollie from his crib.

Soon our home is filled with the aroma of fresh baked cheesy garlic bread. It comes out of the oven just in time for an after school snack. The other four loaves of bread cool on the counter and then get put in the freezer for another day.

After gobbling their bread and a few Halloween treats, the littles beg to go outside and play in the fresh snow. The wind has formed giant drifts, and I've shoveled enough that the piles are up to my waist. I bite my lip as I help dress them, zipping coats and putting mittens up over their coat sleeves, remembering all to well that it always takes longer to dress them than the time they will spend outside. While they are out I make up some hamburger patty's. Joe comes in asking for help with his mitts, and when he learns that I'm making hamburgers for dinner he flies back outside and yells, "Guys! Guess What?! Mom's makin' burgers for dinner!" 

 

The door opens about ten more times as they take turns coming in to pull snow out of their jackets, fix mittens, and cover their boots back up with their ski pants. My entry is now full of snow. They jump in the drifts as the fluffy stuff keeps falling. When they've finally had enough I help the little one's undress as I sidestep puddles. Wet socks are inevitable. Their cheeks are rosy and their noses are running, but they are happy.

 

While I finish up dinner they run around playing hide and seek. The house is quiet except for the occasional bursts of giggles and the sounds of different people counting to ten. They sneak around hiding in closets and pantries, behind doors, under beds, in the kitchen. They are getting along so well that I can't help but smile. Every once in a while someone who hadn't counted would offer to count for someone who was found first. 

At days end I still haven't managed to shower. I am wearing the same thing I threw on this morning complete with lime green polka dot socks and a messy bun. Mr. Stannix takes one look at me and smiles with a twinkle in his eye, before wrapping his arms around me. No matter how I look, he always makes me feel like a queen. 

We eat dinner, pop some popcorn, and cozy up to a family movie until the littles are too tired to stay awake much longer. I finally get that shower I've been putting off and then Mr. Stannix and I watch a show and dive into the left over Halloween candy. At the end of the night we go to bed with grateful hearts and whisper until we are too tired to keep our eyes open any more. I fall asleep to the sound of the littles stuffy-nosed deep breathing in the next room as happy thoughts of the day swirl around in my head like the snowflakes outside my window on this dark November night.