As I tidy the bedrooms I crack open each window and take a deep breath. My nose tingles and my senses rejoice at the faint smells of Spring in the air!
At just about six months post-partum I am finally starting to feel like a normal person again! The combination of my new discovery of essential oils, a four year old who finally sleeps through the night consistently, and the added measure of light in each day has definitely played a part. My hair is still falling out like crazy but my emotions are leveling out and it feels nice to have a familiar flutter of joy in my heart once more. I have been waking up with more energy and a greater desire to live in the moment.
It's amazing how quickly life can pass you by when you're preoccupied with the doing. Sometimes I find myself so busy and consumed by my mothering duties that I forget to look up and gaze upon their sweet faces as they tell me stories or share exciting things. I've been really trying to work on that one little thing lately and it has made such a huge difference. When they know that I am listening they are more prone to listen to me later when I ask them to help out. And when I stop to look into their eyes and really focus on them, my love for them deepens and so does my joy as a mother.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how blessed I am to be at home with them. It comes with it's fair share of challenges, heartache, and sometimes loneliness, but there is also a lot of amazing moments that I get to share with them because I am here. I love that I get to know their little quirks like the way Finley loves ketchup with his nuggets while his brothers prefer plum sauce. I also know that Joe likes his sandwiches with "just peanut butter" while Hyrum prefers plain honey. I know the way they like them cut and I also know that one of them really likes to change their mind a lot when it comes to making decisions.
I adore the way Finley plugs his nose when he eats cinnamon hearts because they're "picey". That boy is so grown up lately it hurts. The other day I set the table with a plastic fork for him and he was quick to protest, "I no want a baby fork please!" And when I told him it was naptime the other day he responded with a "yep-pease" and tucked himself into his bed.
If I wasn't at home all day I would miss Joe running inside from the yard to relieve himself in the bathroom and saying, "Whew! That was a good call!" It made me laugh. He also told me the other day that he loves everything that I cook for him and he will always eat it all gone. When I sing him to sleep at night he will rolls over at least three times to hug me, plant a kiss on my cheek, and tell me how much he loves me. I know he is feeling loved when he expresses love.
One of the biggest things I've noticed lately is how quickly they are growing and changing. Each day this week they have woken up looking a little bit older with fresh ways of thinking about the world around them. When I see my beautiful, blonde girl with curls in her hair and lipstick on for fun, a voice inside my head screams "Stop growing up!!" Her wisdom, quick whit, and concern for others amaze me every day!
Oliver greets me with smiles each morning and as I scoop him from his crib and wrap him in a hug I feel a love so deeply it hurts. His baby coos and newfound babble melt my heart and make me want to hug the stuffing right out of him. I hold him close enough to feel his baby breaths on my cheek and let him wrap his arms around my neck and grab a hand full of hair. I adore the way he sticks his lips out and arches his back after a satisfying nursing session. He loves to bounce in his jolly jumper, grab toys, and sit up in his highchair. He changes every day and my mother heart can hardly handle it! He is definitely my most clingy baby and always has a handful of my hair when he's propped on my hip. I remember getting the impression that he was going to be a special soul, and I definitely notice things about him that make this clear.
Oliver greets me with smiles each morning and as I scoop him from his crib and wrap him in a hug I feel a love so deeply it hurts. His baby coos and newfound babble melt my heart and make me want to hug the stuffing right out of him. I hold him close enough to feel his baby breaths on my cheek and let him wrap his arms around my neck and grab a hand full of hair. I adore the way he sticks his lips out and arches his back after a satisfying nursing session. He loves to bounce in his jolly jumper, grab toys, and sit up in his highchair. He changes every day and my mother heart can hardly handle it! He is definitely my most clingy baby and always has a handful of my hair when he's propped on my hip. I remember getting the impression that he was going to be a special soul, and I definitely notice things about him that make this clear. Hyrum will be going into grade one this year and is excited to ride the bus. I'm already anticipating how odd it will be to only have three kids at home (sounds strange, I know). The house feels more empty just thinking about it! He is such a tender soul with a genuine concern for all in the house, and especially the puppy lately. He went to bed practically in tears the other night because he was feeling bad that he hadn't played with Reese much during the day. As the tears tumbled from his cheeks, Reese moved in closer and nuzzled his hand. "She still loves you soo much!" I said. He laughed and quickly wiped his tears on the sleeve of his jammies and pulled her in for a snuggle. He takes after his Mamma big time and I can fully relate to his feelings and concern, because sometimes they are mine too.
There are some nights where I lay awake with tears tumbling from my cheeks after a hard mommy day and feel badly for spending so much time keeping up with the laundry and not enough time playing with the children. But even though I mess up on silly things day after day, or I raise my voice one too many times, they still climb up on my lap and give me the love I need to press forward. There is so much to be learned from these littles of mine and I am so grateful for this opportunity to glean from them! And to quote L.M Montgomery "Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"
