This morning we woke up to a clear sky and a sparkly Winter wonderland.
The trees were veiled in white and their branches sparkled as they
danced in the sun. The grass was covered in a thick layer of frost
instead of the usual snow and glistened in the morning glow. While the
littles ate breakfast at the little round table I released a deep breath
and took it all in. There is beauty all around, some days you just have
to look really hard for it, and I knew today was going to be one of those days.


As I stared out the window at the pink sky, I reflected on my less than pleasant night with my almost-two-year-old and the way I tried to hold him close during his two temper tantrums this morning. He had thrown his muffin across the floor, so I picked it up and ate it because he didn't want it (obviously) which made him SO mad. He's getting to the tricky, independent age where I have to try very hard to see the world through his little eyes. Sometimes things just don't make sense to me and it's hard to be patient. Instead of getting grumpy when he ran away giggling half-way through dressing him, I played along, and even laughed a little myself!
Last night he crawled into bed with us (which brought the total bed count up to FOUR). I let him snuggle for a few minutes and then cuddled him back into his bed. I didn't even make it to the door before he had jumped back out of bed and began following me. I tucked him back in again...and again...and again. Before long we were both crying, and I gave up and slept in Joe's bed, only to have him crawl up next to me a few moments later. He tossed and turned until he found the perfect fit, with his head resting near my neck and my arms wrapped around him. Sometimes I have to take a step back and listen with my heart to his silent pleas to be held and cuddled for "just a little longer mommy."


Camilla tried sneaking an extra stuffed animal to school. I only caught her because she stuffed it up her coat. I tried explaining our one stuffie only rule and how she could lose it and would have a hard time keeping track of them both. She stared at the ground and explained that her friends were all bringing dogs today and she wanted to bring them both. I sighed, and let her have her way because it's not the end of the world, but reminded her that she's almost getting too old to bring them to school and pretty soon her friends won't be bringing them either. I try not to discourage the stuffed animal thing too much because if I had my way I'd keep her little, innocent and full of imagination forever. Perhaps my lack of sleep and unpleasant mood had something to do with my poor handling of the situation. She hugged me good-bye and then I noticed her eyes were moist as she made her way down the front steps and my heart broke in two. I knelt down in the doorway and asked her what was wrong. She ran and hugged me and told me she always wants to bring stuffies to school and can't bear the thought of ever going to school without one. Then we heard her bus arriving at the stop and she had to go quick. I wanted to hold her forever. I shouted an "I love you! Be safe!" as she rounded the corner by the garage and slowly closed the front door.


We then went about our morning routines but I was meeting resistance on every turn. No body wanted to make their beds or unload the dishwasher or do their kindergarten book. Not only did they not want to do it, but they were very vocal in letting me know they didn't want to do it and that I was "the meanest mom ever". I am certain it's one of many times I will hear that phrase, but knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less. I retreated to my room, made my bed, and knelt for a morning prayer. When no one else understands this craziness that is my life, Heavenly Father does. Tears fell on my duvet as I expressed love for my children, gratitude for my blessings, and frustration at my current predicament. I plead for more charity and grace as I went through my day and the ability to give love to my children in difficult circumstances.

Oliver woke up for the day full of smiles. He always cries to let me know he's awake and then when I pull him from his crib he gives a few sleepy blinks before he recognizes my face and grins. It really is the little things. While I change and dress him everyone always gathers around to say hello. Hyrum held him for me in the rocker for a few minutes and loved it!
Another highlight of my day was walking into a freshly cleaned bathroom covered in an inch of toilet water from my awesome almost-two-year-old who thought it would be great fun to use the toilet brush and flick water everywhere. I literally sobbed the whole time I was wiping it up. By the time I made it upstairs dinner
was smoking on the stove (still salvageable thank-goodness). Hardly
anybody ate their spaghetti (due to the black spots in the meat sauce
perhaps?) and I finally gave up. Joe went into the tub, Finley got
jammied, and the baby and the older two accompanied me to parent teacher
night even though Hyrum hadn't eaten a bite in the half hour he sat at the table.
Camilla is doing well in school! Her teacher is pleased with her work, urged her to keep up on the home reading and told her she is pleasant and wonderful to have in class and that's where it really counts.
After the day I've had I am rewarding myself with the last half of my novel. Sometimes I gotta stay up late reading to save my sanity. Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet.