It may be a new year, but life is still much the same in the Stannix household. There are piles of laundry, dishes in the sink, and toys scattered all over the basement! But we've had a lot of fun skating, sledding, and relaxing with the children over these past couple of weeks. Today was Camilla's first day back to school, and of course it was the only night that Finley slept through and the children stayed in bed until past 7:00am. I almost laughed out loud at the irony as I quietly crept down the stairs to wake the older two. They quickly dressed and then came up for a warm bowl of cream of wheat. Joseph's almost got cold as he slept another half hour longer nestled in my bed. He likes to keep Daddy's side warm while he's away for a training session.
I've found myself kind of in a funk lately. Although we are making friends here and figuring out our way around, I have found myself missing our "old" life a whole lot lately. I keep thinking about all of the friends I could be serving in our old stomping grounds and how big their kids must be getting now. I miss having weekly visits and sharing mothering woes with good friends who are completely loving and aware. I've spent the last couple of days making slippers to surprise a friend with. They were made with love, and a few tears as I thought back over the journey of our friendship and where we both are now in our lives. I am positive that things will get better here, but every once in a while I sure ache for that best friend of mine.
Along with a new year comes some new goals for myself and our family. I've been mulling over a lot of things lately trying to compile lists of things that are and are not working for us right now. As we work our way back into routine we've had lots of attitude adjustments and discipline issues. I have a rambunctious preschooler who is very rough and tumble and a four year old who's suddenly developed an attitude the size of Mount Everest. I can't help but stare at him with my mother eyes, mouth gaping open, and wonder to myself where in the world he's learned this stuff! I am pretty much at my wits end with both of these issues as I scower the web for parenting tips and tricks. The other night all three of them were picking on each other and when I'd finally had enough I lined them all up on the couch for a little chat. I sat in front of them and asked them why Heavenly Father put us in families? Was it so that we could beat on each other whenever we were angry? I told them we were put in families to help each other. To learn to love and serve and to become what Heavenly Father wants us to be. As I shared these thoughts with them tears streamed down my cheeks (and a few of them even got watery eyes). We ended our little chat with a group hug and a promise to try better tomorrow, knowing full well some of it will continue the next day and I will find myself saying things like, "Don't throw salt at people, please!" as we eat dinner.
As I've tried to narrow down why the children have suddenly morphed into little monsters I can't help but wonder if it's something I've done wrong. I wonder if I'm giving them enough attention, if they're feeling enough of that love that is deep in my heart for them. I wonder if I'm giving them enough hugs and kisses, or words of encouragement. I'm pretty sure I could ease up on the criticism and remind myself more often that they are just kids. They are going to make mistakes, and messes, and tell me "no" once in a while. It's all part and parcel of the growing and learning process. A few weeks ago in church I heard a quote that was like a light bulb moment for me. It was something along the lines of "If you find yourself losing your patience often then you are probably spending too much time IN the world." It dawned on me that when I find myself scrolling through the news feed on my facebook, or comparing my life to someone elses via a blog, I become very impatient! It also usually means I'm not doing a good job keeping up my relationship with my Father in Heaven. There is so much going on in the world right now and this year I hope to be better at sifting through it and only bringing into our home things that will uplift and edify. Not to mention when I'm scrolling through facebook ten times a day I am totally neglecting my responsibilities as a mother. I could definitely improve in that area, and will be focusing more on it this year.
Another thing I'd like to focus on this year is taking better care of myself. I could definitely use a lot more rest in 2016! We've begun the year with some massive colds and I feel like I spend all day wiping snotty noses and all night listening to children cough. My diet could definitely use some work as it consists mostly of toast, cookies, muffins, crackers and whatever other quick things I can get my hands on during the day. I don't often take time to sit and eat a meal because, well, there's dishes to be done, and floors to be mopped, and snotty noses to be wiped and that kind of stuff. I do know that when I eat properly my mood and energy levels improve drastically!
I don't mean for it to sound like life is all bad, sometimes it's just nice to sneak a little reality in every once in a while. I am so grateful for those little happy moments that get sandwiched in between the hard stuff. I adore listening to Camilla read to her brothers. Hyrum is so cuddly and has such a kind heart (when he's not grumping). Joseph's one liners are pretty humorous and I'm kicking myself for not writing them down. Finley loves when I get on the floor to play with him and his new favorite place to sit when I'm laying down is right on my stomach looking down at me. He will grin and giggle and jump up and down forever. Sometimes I like to sit on the floor while I put the finishing touches on my crochet slippers and he will come and plop down right in my lap with a squeal of delight, overtaking my project with those kissable cheeks of his. He also loves giving hugs to everyone and will lay on their shoulder with a little "aww" and a cuddle.
Each night before bed I like to check on each of them. I gently tug the covers back up to their chins, place the books on the shelves, and lightly kiss their cheeks. It is in these moments that I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the blessing that they are in my life. Mothering is one of the hardest things I've ever done. It requires endless energy, a selfless heart, a deep love, and a relationship with the Savior. But I am grateful for the way my children are molding and shaping me into that woman that I want to become. Slowly, day by day, I am becoming wiser, more patient, and more in tune with their needs. Looking back I'm sure the good will stick out more then the bad. Why else would all of the sweet old ladies I meet in the grocery store tell me that it was the best years of their lives? I'm sure they shared the same struggles I am going through right now. If they can do it, I can do it!
