Today I woke up feeling more rested than I have in a long time. I have spent the week catching up on sleep and relishing in the fact that Joseph stays in his bed until well after 7:00am lately. Finley has also started doing a few longer stretches at night and in the early hours of the morning I've been pulling him in with me because he sleeps longer that way. When the children wake up in the morning they come to my bed to say a sleepy "good morning" and then they head downstairs for a bowl of cereal. Finley is always the last to wake up and the second his eyes meet mine he flashes the sweetest sleepy grins I have ever seen. He is so happy I just want to kiss him over and over again. He babbles and plays with his toes beside me while I listen to the commotion downstairs. Before long I hear the children calling for me and we make our way down to join them for breakfast. I love these slow mornings and the extra baby snuggles to start my day.
Usually our days are filled with errands and other exciting things. The kids will rush out to the van ahead of me and by the time I make it out Joseph is sitting in the drivers seat with the mirror open on the visor. He flashes me a smile and says, "Just checking my hair, Mom". We then hit up the grocery store, or Michaels for some new yarn so that I can make more baby booties. Everywhere we go people stop and ask me things like, "Are these all yours?" and "How do you manage?" or my new favorite "How do you maintain yourself so well?" I chuckle and answer their questions as politely as I can. Life isn't always blissful, but we have been blessed and I wouldn't trade any of the craziness. My children make life rich and exciting and I love spending my days with them (most of the time).
The children spend their afternoons learning and discovering. They tell me about the bugs they find in the backyard and ask important questions about how things grow. Sometimes I get to hear really great insights from Camilla, "Know which planet I like? I like the one that's round and has a ring around it that looks like it's wearing a tu-tu." On rainy days Hyrum plants himself at the kitchen table with a stack of blank paper and draws to his hearts content. Joseph plays in the backyard rain or shine and typically comes in covered in sand or garden dirt. But in six years of mothering I have gained a little wisdom. I am learning to be still and let go a little more. When Joseph walks across my freshly mopped floors as sand rains down from the bottoms of his rubber boots I muster up my biggest smile and try to distract myself with the exciting story he's come in to tell me. I have learned to be still and just breath when the baby is screaming, the ipad is going, the two year old is throwing a fit and my little girl is proudly pounding out her freshly learned song on the piano. Some days, that's a real skill.
Every spare second I have I crack open my novel from the library and get lost in its pages. Some days the kids are racing around the house and screaming down stairs but I hardly mind because as I read, I feel something inside of me that I haven't felt in a long time. It's been at least five years since I've read a novel and I miss getting lost in the pages of books. Reading is so good for the soul.
Dinner time is always an adventure. One time in particular Joseph sent his spoon flying across the kitchen table knocking Camilla's plate of food to the floor. Tears were shed by both, the mess was cleaned, and all was forgiven. Most nights I get complaints and end up spoon feeding almost everyone just to fill their bellies before bed. Some nights I throw my hands in the air and give up.
Bed time is never dull. I sometimes it feels like a circus rounding everyone up. As we kneel for night prayers Joseph will still sometimes sit on someone's head to be funny or put his arms around my neck and hang on my back. When Daddy isn't home I take Joseph back to bed over and over again between paragraphs in my book. One time he came out completely naked and insisted on using the potty. Once he is finally asleep I take my book to the big couch in the front room and curl up and cram in as much reading as I can before Mr. Stannix comes home. One night he came home to me curled up on the couch and said, "I miss seeing this side of you. The side who takes time for herself once and a while." It has done me good to escape the world of social media and curl up to a good book full of wonderful things. I have been trying to be a little less hard on myself and take a step down from the seemingly impossible standard of perfection that I hold myself to. I have had so much help from my dear husband and am also learning the importance of taking time for myself so that I have more to give to others. I know that I can't be a good Mom if I'm strung out and exhausted all the time.
As I go to sleep each night I reflect on the good, the bad and the ugly. Every day is filled with moments of great joy and utter defeat. There are moments where I want to throw my hands in the air and give up and there are other moments where I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything else! I have learned to stay calm during trying moments where I find a freshly penned smiley face on the basement wall which oddly resembles the same form Hyrum uses in his daily scribbles at the kitchen table. It still resides on my basement wall since I haven't had the time to scrub it off (or rather to get a certain someone to scrub it off) and reminds me of lessons learned. I chuckle at the image of Joseph standing on the two stools he stacked up to steal a cookie from the cookie jar. I recall a moment with Joseph where I randomly hugged him and his body melted into mine as he let out a sigh of happiness and contentment. I can't help but smile when I remember Camilla affectionately patting the top of my head and ruffling my hair like she often sees me do to the boys. I love it when she crawls on my lap for a snuggle or wraps her arms around my waist for a hug. I think of Finley's big smile and open mouthed kisses, or the way he pulls my face close to his first thing in the morning. I live for these little moments and often scribble them down or commit them to memory somehow. It is these little moments that make motherhood so worth it!
