For Real Life

In writing this blog, I usually like to stick to the good stuff since we publish these posts into books each year. But I suppose it's good for our kids to read about the crazy stuff too right? So here's a little snippet of what's been going down at the Stannix's these days. The sleepless nights, the messes, the arguing between siblings, the struggles and the tears.

I have not had a full nights sleep in about two weeks. I get children at my bedside asking for drinks of water, or help going potty, or quick snuggles to help them fall back to sleep. These last few weeks we have had a child snuggle into our bed in the wee hours of the morning so many times I've lost count. Lately I have been in tears on the couch in the front room while the littles chow down on breakfast and Mr. Stannix heads to work to take care of us. This morning was no different and I just need to write a bit to help me feel better.

Joseph crawled into our bed shortly after 4:00 this morning. He nestled in quick under the glow of the street lights and watched the wind from our open window blow the curtains until he fell back to sleep. About an hour later Hyrum was at my bedside whispering my name over and over again. I replied in lower than a whisper if that's even possible in hopes of keeping Joseph asleep. Sadly it didn't work and I had another early start to my day. I made up some pancakes for the littles and prepped Daddy's lunch while they cooked. When Hyrum got out the syrup the bottle was almost empty, so I made up a quick batch of fresh stuff to go with our pancakes. There was a little fight over who would get which color plate and what color of cup they wanted to go with their plate. Sadly not every one was made happy and one child ended up in tears. We all sat down to enjoy breakfast. I moved Joseph's chocolate milk away from the edge at least three times but it still ended up spilling. I left my breakfast and silently wiped up the spill while choking back tears. After a few refills and seconds of pancakes I made it back to my spot at the table. My breakfast was ice cold, so I threw it on the counter and went to the other room and cried. It sounds super childish, but it is so hard to describe how motherhood stretches you to the limits. Sometimes ya just need a good cry to feel better.

Thanks to pregnancy and a serious lack of sleep my emotions have been out of control. The children are also extra moody and argumentative (and did I mention they quit sleeping?). When they fight I have a super hard time keeping my cool and then I just feel like a horrible mother because my voice level is no where near where I'd like it to be most of the day. I go to sleep at night in tears as feelings of guilt and self pity flow over me. Why can't I be more graceful like so and so? Why can't I have more patience? Why can't I be more Christlike? I long to be more organized, soft spoken, tender hearted, and loving but those kinds of qualities don't come without a lot of work. Motherhood is both difficult and rewarding all at the same time. And though I feel like I'm almost at the end of my rope right now, I am so grateful for the way this role is challenging and refining me.

I am definitely grateful for my three children and a loving husband. I am also grateful for those moments that fill me to the brim with joy. The other night as we held FHE things got a bit crazy. Joseph was trumping around the house in Camilla's rubber boots and the other two were wiggling and squirming on the couch, trying their hardest to listen to Daddy give the lesson. Hyrum would repeat te last words of the sentences in question from just to show us he was listening. "Oh, ressurected?" "Oh, die? I don't wanna die." My heart swelled with love when Camilla piped up, "Don't worry Hyrum, then we be'd ressurected and live with Heavenly Father and be with our family forever and ever and ever!" I couldn't help but think what a comfort that knowledge must be to a child. As I said the closing prayer and thanked Heavenly Father for the knowledge that families can be together forever, I couldn't help but tear up.

I am very grateful that they are so forgiving as I struggle through each day to become the mother I dream of being. I love their "feel better" cards, smooches and hugs. Even though they keep me awake at night, make messes, constantly eat and fight with each other I am so so glad that they are mine forever. I am also so grateful for that Mr. Stannix of mine who came home a couple of hours early from work to mow the lawn and play with the children. He always knows exactly what I need.

Sunday Best

Couldn't resist a picture of these cuties today.

Best buddies!

A Good Day for Flying

When we were at the Acreage a month or so ago my sister took Joseph out for a mini-shoot in the back field. The pictures turned out so great and I've been dying to blog them! Over these last few days I have been thinking a lot about our youngest child and how he fits so nicely into our family. I've been thinking about all that he learns, all of the company he has had as he's grown, and all that he puts up with as the youngest.

Joseph is a pretty special kid and he is adored by all of us! He has such a fun loving, goofy personality. Not a day goes by that he doesn't make us laugh! I love his scruffy blonde hair, especially when it curls in the back. He is definitely our most adventurous child and keeps me on my toes. His newest love is jumping down the stairs two or three at a time. He's pretty rough and tumble and getting hurt doesn't phase him much. He is used to be pushed around by his older siblings and has even learned to push back. When he gives hugs he makes sure to tackle you to the ground. I can see him as a football player of sorts later in life. He loves doing whatever his big brother and sister are doing and is a super good sport when they double bounce him on the trampoline. 

Underneath all of his goofiness and his crazy hair he is such a sweet little guy. His smiles melt my heart. He has such a tender side to him and wears his heart on his sleeve like his mamma. He has finally learned how to shake his head yes for yes instead of no for yes. He has a love for music and can often be found singing different tunes or playing nicely on my piano. He is full of hugs and kisses and will always pat your back when he gives you a hug. We sure love this big guy!

Miracle Treat Day

Oh man. It's been a rough week as far as sleep goes. If it's not one kid, it's the other. I haven't gotten a full nights sleep in about a week and always wake up somewhere other than my bed with a kid snuggled near. Last night it was Joseph. He woke just after midnight and cried hard for close to half an hour. We ended up cozied up on the couch in the front room for about half the night. When my sore body finally had enough of the couch, I carried my little man to his own bed and found his brother in mine. I spent until 5:30am in Camilla's room since it was cooler anyways. Joseph and I had a good hour together downstairs before everyone else woke up for the day. A part of me was super cranky, but another part of me couldn't help but smile as Joseph sang away, "Maa-maa-maa....Daa-Daa-Daa...Aiy-Aiy-Aiy". As we made our way up to the kitchen for breakfast I couldn't help but think that the upcoming night time feedings won't even phase me if my kids keep training me the way they are! 

I made up a special loaf of french bread yesterday and used it this morning for french toast. Joseph gobbled his all gone, Hyrum had his with ice cream, and Camilla just liked it with syrup. Daddy ate super quick and then we all shouted "I love you's" as he headed out the door to work. 

I cleaned the kitchen and ran some errands with the littles. One our way back we hit up DQ for Miracle Treat Day. The kids were pretty excited to go inside the "resternaut" and enjoy their treat. We had a lot of fun just chilling and eating. I also grabbed a burger and an order of fries for myself. I've had a craving for pickles lately. The littles liked dipping my fries in their blizzards, just like they've done at Wendy's.

Love those crazies of mine!

A Bowling Date

 Tonight we went on a date with the older two. We had Uncle Arland and Auntie Naomi put Joseph to bed and hang out at home while we were gone. I think the older two really enjoyed having us all to themselves for a night. They were pretty excited to try out bowling and did super well! 

My camera didn't quite capture the way Hyrum would jump for joy at every pin he knocked over. We had the bumpers for the two kids and it was a riot. I haven't laughed that hard in a really long time. Hyrum would line up to roll his ball and then pause to watch the next ball rolling in. Finally he would throw it and while it slowly made its way towards the pins he would glance down the alley and check out what everyone else was doing. Sometimes when he knew it wasn't going to hit anything he would get all nervous and put both his arms behind his head while he watched. Other times he would get pretty into it and start pointing and calling out to his ball hoping it would help change the direction. He did a potty dance for the first few throws. I said, "Ya know, if you go potty, you might be better!" And he replied, "I already AM better!" I had to laugh because he was true, his score almost doubled mine!

Camilla was also pretty great! Her score almost rivaled Daddy's. She liked to bowl backwards between her legs. She loved passing the balls out to everyone when it was their turn and was a great cheerleader. I got probably the worst bowling score ever and she came up and patted me on the back and said, "It's okay, Mom. It's just 'cause you're pregnant..."

Love this girl!

Daddy got a ton of spares and strikes! It was super fun!

Until next time bowling alley!

Third Breakfast

 Last night was another night of musical beds and Joe-Joe is always awake at the crack of dawn, like before 6:00am. He had already had a banana and two bowls of cheerios before the older two joined us. We then enjoyed third breakfast with Daddy before he left to work.

 Joseph loves smoothies!

He's kind of a crazy in the morning and I love it!

A Second Look

 This afternoon Mr. Stannix and I got to have another quick peek at baby. Because I wasn't as far as everyone thought at our last ultrasound they weren't able to get good pictures of the heart and a few other things. Again we got to watch baby move and squirm on the screen while she took pictures. It was great. The tech quickly did a few profile shots at the end and was kind enough to send them home with me along with the knowledge that everything looks perfect so far. I couldn't be more relieved! I can't wait to meet this little person in December!

Happy Sunday

It has been such a great Sunday. It's been a while since I have left church feeling so uplifted. Typically Sundays are a little rough, but our children are at just the right ages where everything just works out sometimes. Mr. Stannix gave a fabulous talk today on teaching children in the home. I managed our crew by myself on the bench and didn't have to leave the meeting once. Part way through Joseph spotted Daddy up on the stand and called out to him with his cute little voice. The older two sat so well and Hyrum is getting good at folding his arms and just listening. As soon as Joseph hears the organ start to play he grabs me a book and climbs up on my knee. I love listening to him sing along in his own little way. 

After the meeting both of the boys happily made their way to nursery and I got to attend Sunday school for the first time in a long time. I sat through the lesson beside Mr. Stannix feeling so "naked". It's been a while since I've just been able to sit through a lesson without having to leave to nurse, hush a baby to sleep, or sooth a crying child as he transitions into nursery. I wasn't sure what to even do with myself. I felt so weird. When I heard little babies crying around me, I almost wanted to jump up and volunteer to take them out.

We had a great lesson in Relief Society about Eternal Marriage and I was reminded about a quote that I read in institute when Mr. Stannix and I were dating. 

"True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of 

anxious concern for the well-being of one's companion."

~President Hinckley

I left the meeting feeling so grateful for that Mr. Stannix of mine. We have been through many trials and experienced many things together. I am so glad we sat down when we began our marriage and committed to companionship prayers at our bedside, regular scripture study, and monthly date nights amongst other things. Those few things have kept us close and allowed us to have more unity in our marriage. 

Another very favorite part of my day was feeling the baby move as I sat quietly in Relief Society. Feeling those little kicks and taps almost brought tears to my eyes. I feel so blessed to be a mother, even though it's hard. I am grateful for good kids who are willing to learn and help where they can! I am now officially half way through this pregnancy and feeling great! I have learned so much this year from my trials and am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows us each so perfectly.

A Morning Out

 After all of the rain yesterday, we promised the kids that we would hit up the Legislature today if it was nice out. Camilla has been dying to go swimming, and this place is FREE! The pool was empty when we got there and the kids had fun wandering around. Since the older two are fairly independent, I didn't end up getting many pictures of them. They were always off across the pool, skipping on the stones and being buddies. Joseph stuck pretty close for the most part, but when he got away, he ran as fast as he could!

 He loved splashing and wandering around. This time he was a bit more independent and careful while he walked around which made my visit all the more enjoyable. I loved being able to snuggle next to my Mr. Stannix and watch the children play.

 Joseph also liked daring new heights and moving his tip toes to the very edge of a high ledge as if to dare me to get up and get him. He's at the age of pushing limits and discovering new things. Instead of getting mad at him while he jumps on the couch, I've discovered he stops quicker when I don't say anything at all. He likes to push my buttons.

I sure love these three blondies!

In Search of Joy

 This morning started out a tad on the gloomy side. I didn't get enough sleep and the weather was overcast. After we finished our morning chores I decided to take the littles for a walk in search of some joy! Neither of the older two wanted to bike which really surprised me, so we walked a slow pace and eventually made our way to the walking trail. The whole time I was trying my hardest to let the kids explore everything and pick all of the flowers they wanted. Life is so simple and wonderful sometimes. We cut through the soccer fields trying to ignore the mosquitoes as we went. Just as we neared the trail Camilla picked up the pace shouting, "I'm FREEE!" as she ran. I stayed back a bit with Joe while he picked dandelions and blew the fluff all over. 

 The walk didn't prove to be nearly as joyous as I'd hoped. Hyrum was doing a potty dance up and down the walking trail and needing to hold my hand every step of the way. Once in a while he would let go to pick a dandelion and gave me the biggest bouquet of flowers! When Joseph's legs got tired I gave him a piggy-back ride and he giggled in my ears the whole time. There is something so special about little hands touching your face and hair.

Once Camilla announced that she also had to pee, we turned around and made our way home. I snapped a few pictures of the littles on one of their "breaks". My camera hasn't been my friend lately but I still love this picture! When the bathrooms became more urgent, I lifted Joseph onto my shoulders and we quickly made our way home just as the clouds began to drizzle rain.